


Burning Bright (She Dreamed of a Way to Ignite)

by fan_girlish



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, it's more about Kara and her figuring out her feelings than about the actual relationship, kind of?, lots of Danvers sisters feelings because they are the heart of this show, lots of feelings, oops maybe angstier than originally intended, set approx. after 2x12 luthors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-10-24 01:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10731237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fan_girlish/pseuds/fan_girlish
Summary: Kara was seventy-eight percent certain Lena knew. Well, seventy-five percent. There was some margin for error here, considering Lena had never directly implied she knew Kara was Supergirl. (Still, it was hard to ignore all the passing comments about Supergirl or the jokes about being human told over knowing smirks.)So, yes, Lena probably knew. Which made this whole situation all the more ridiculous.or, Kara has more feelings than she knows how to handle and has heart-to-hearts with the ladies in her life (and a few of the guys, too).





	1. Lies We Tell Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been writing for a long time, but this is my first fanfic. Here’s hoping some of you like it!

Kara was seventy-eight percent certain Lena knew. Well, seventy-five percent. There was some margin for error here, considering Lena had never directly implied she knew Kara was Supergirl. (Still, it was hard to ignore all the passing comments about Supergirl or the jokes about being human told over knowing smirks.)

 

So, yes, Lena probably knew. Which made this whole situation all the more ridiculous.

 

“Ponytail!”

 

Kara whipped around, taken aback by the annoyance in Snapper’s tone— _never a good sign._

 

“Y-yes?” she said, stumbling over to follow behind him as he walked back to his desk in the news room.

 

“Jefferson called in sick, so I’m going to need you to take over his piece on the Cadmus-Luthor connection.”

 

“The, the what?” Kara asked, completely off-put. The bruises from the fight with Lillian Luthor and Metallo had faded, but a lingering soreness from the kryptonite exposure had left Alex insisting she spend more time in the sunbed over the last few days. Really, she was fine. Tired, but fine.

 

Mostly she was worried about Lena. And Lillian. In very different ways, obviously. Lillian was a threat as long as she was out there. She knew Kara’s weaknesses and had all of Lex’s anti-Kryptonian weaponry at her disposal, not to mention the original Hank Henshaw. Kara never should have let her get away. And with Lillian still out there— It was all just such a mess.

 

Lena was another matter entirely. She was worried about her friend, knew she had to still be in pain over everything that had happened. Kara had spoken to her several times since then—and sent her a number of cute selfies with all those flowers—but Lena was hard to read sometimes. Cue her _other_ reason for being hesitant to see her right now…

 

“Cadmus. Luthor,” said Snapper, breaking into her thoughts. “Come on, Danvers, this isn’t exactly a riddle. Lillian Luthor is the head of an anti-alien militant group, and now she’s on the loose again. Luthor Jr. may have cleared her name—for now—but our last article on her was nothing more than a fluff piece. She still runs a multi-billion dollar company doesn’t she? What’s she doing to make it right? How is she distancing the Luthor name from all the terrible things done by her family? What does she think of mommy dearest’s daring escape?”

 

“Their official statement on the matter is that L-Corp is not affiliated with Cadmus and doesn’t support or condone the persecution of aliens,” Kara said, and if a small bubbling feeling something like joy or hope took to her stomach at the thought of Lena protecting alien rights, well, then, that might explain the hint of a smile tugging at her lips in spite of Snapper’s typically grouchy presence.

 

“Yes,” said Snapper, and coming from his mouth it sounded a lot like an insult to her intelligence. “Which is why you’re going to go get an actual quote from Lena Luthor instead of that PR bull they’re throwing at the press.”

 

Kara fidgeted, adjusting her glasses. The last thing she wanted to do right now was go interrogate Lena about Cadmus and her mother. She was having trouble coming up with a good excuse for not doing it, though. “I’m not sure…I—”

 

Snapper had already begun looking over the papers on his desk, clearly feeling that this conversation was done, but at Kara’s aimless stuttering he glared up at her over his glasses.

 

“Listen up, blondie,” said Snapper. “You’ve got to the count of five for me to see the back of that ponytail hightailing it out of here to L-Corp before I rethink my decision not to fire you.”

 

“But—”

 

“One…”

 

“That’s not—I can’t just—” Kara spluttered to no avail.

 

“Two…”

 

“It’s the middle of the day! I can’t just waltz over to L-Corp whenever I feel like it!” A lie—a white one—because while it was true that she could in fact go to L-Corp whenever she wanted (on orders of Lena Luthor herself), Lena still had a company to run. She was the CEO after all, and Kara wasn’t comfortable with bursting in and demanding interviews at any odd hour. Especially when she may or may not have been avoiding said CEO for the past week.

 

“Three, Danvers, and I’m losing what little patience I had,” said Snapper.

 

Kara huffed, throwing her best ‘I could throw you into space’ glare at Snapper. “Fine!” she snapped, turning to march out the door.

 

The walk to L-Corp from CatCo Plaza wasn’t a long one, and Kara did decide to walk it. (Flying was wonderful, but sometimes when her mind was working at superspeed she needed to ground herself in something slow and steady to stay present.) It gave her enough time to think, though. Maybe a little too much time, actually.

 

Kara knew that Lena was a good person (heck, she’d put her own reputation and life on the line just a few days ago for just that assumption). She knew Lena wasn’t like her family, and she also knew that Lena was fast becoming one of her closest friends.

 

When Lena’s life was in danger Kara hadn’t though, she’d just acted on instinct, throwing herself into the line of fire— _literally_ in front of a kryptonite bomb—to saver her.

 

(Alex had given her an earful for it later, and Kara _was_ sorry for the fear she’d caused her sister— _sheer terror_ , according to Alex. But between the lecture over her reckless behavior and nearly getting herself killed again, and things getting heated when Kara said she was sorry for worrying Alex but she’d do it again, well, that conversation hadn’t really ended all that well. Even if Alex did give her a hug and send her off to the sunbed after.)

 

After arguing with Alex and healing up in the sunbed, after going back to work and finding _dozens_ of plumerias in her office (and then possibly having to fix her makeup from crying a little), she had gone to see Lena, to check on her and thank her. And it was a good visit. Lena had liked her article, and Kara had been almost as proud of that as she was of the article itself.

 

Impressing a Luthor was no small feat (even if this Luthor did seem to smile at Kara like she was the rising sun.)

 

And she’d felt something grow heavy between them as the visit ended. Not heavy like it was being weighed down, but heavy like something profound was building between them and the gravity of it was becoming too dense to maintain. Kara knew enough about physics before she’d even come to this planet to know that that kind of gravity was a dangerous thing, that once you passed its Event Horizon there was no going back.

 

The hug might’ve been the Event Horizon or maybe it was stopping just before. It certainly felt to Kara like there was no pulling away from it, but then they’d separated and Kara left and she spent the whole rest of the night thinking about the way Lena Luthor had said, “Supergirl may have saved me, but…Kara Danvers you are my hero.”

 

She’d said it like it was true, and, oh, Kara wanted it to be. She wasn’t used to people looking at Kara Danvers—looking at her—as a hero. It made her feel like flying, like the actual wind pulling at your hair, over the clouds, weightless joy of flying.

 

But there had been something else there, too. It wasn’t something she noticed at the time, not caught up in the sparkling green of Lena’s eyes as she teased her, but later, when she had time to think, she noticed.

 

Kara had catalogued back through all their interactions—every near gaff she’d made, every teasing smirk from Lena, every knowing smile—and calculated the odds that Lena Luthor, the little sister of Lex Luthor and her friend, knew her secret. She could be naïve at times, yes, but Kara was smart (and not just by Earth standards), and the odds were not good.

 

Here’s the thing—and it’s a big thing—Kara didn’t want Lena to know.

 

Lena was Kara’s friend (maybe the only one she wasn’t currently on the outs with to some degree), and Kara was terrified of losing her. She and James still hadn’t found equilibrium since the sort-of-break-up, Winn was caught in between them, Lucy was gone, and Alex…well, Alex was being Alex, fighting with Kara and figuring herself out, but…Kara missed her. She missed all of them. She missed sister night and game nights. Heck, she even missed Cat Grant criticizing her cardigans and life choices.

 

Kara wasn’t good with change, but she was bad—really, really bad—at losing people. She’d lost more people that she could count, and, yes, she had tried to count. (On a cold night, twelve years ago, with tallies and equations until the number got so big she felt like screaming until Alex and Eliza and Jeremiah came running in, bleary-eyed, to hold her, to ground her, and she realized, oh, she was screaming.)

 

The thought of losing Lena, now, when it felt like everything else was slipping…it was unbearable, because Lena not knowing was complicated, sure, but her knowing—well, that was a whole can of worms Kara was not eager to open.

 

( _A Luthor and a Super? Being friends?_

 

She tried to squash the insidious voice whispering doubt in her ear, but she’d lost friends before over her ‘weirdness’. Kids in high school whispered behind her back, called her a freak far enough away that they didn’t think she could hear. College friends teased her for her appetite, and a something became an ex-something when she admitted she didn’t really celebrate Christmas.

 

And maybe Lena supported alien rights, but that didn’t mean she really wanted to be friends with one, to hug one.)

 

So, yes, there was definitely too much time to think between Catco and Lena’s office. Enough time for Kara to be almost wringing her hands and thinking that maybe getting fired was an okay alternative to losing another friend.

 

“Jess, hi, I’m—”

 

“Here to see Ms. Luthor, right,” said Jess, not even hesitating to escort her to Lena’s office. She might’ve rolled her eyes a little but Kara elected to ignore her sarcasm as well as her muttering of something that sounded an awful lot like “useless lesbian” as she walked back to her desk, leaving Kara blushing scarlet just as Lena ended her call and beamed up at Kara.

 

“Kara!” said Lena, pushing up from behind her desk and walking over to pull Kara down into a hug. Lena’s heels were lying unceremoniously beside her desk, leaving her more noticeably shorter than usual. “It’s so good to see you.”

 

The anxiety Kara had been feeling started to dissipate at Lena’s bright greeting. She gave Kara a comforting squeeze before letting go of the hug, and Kara smiled down at her, feeling relieved that at least so far things seemed to be normal and easy—not that anything about Lena herself was ever really normal or easy, just that being with her was, for Kara at least.

 

Lena pulled her over to sit on the sofa and turned to face her, leaning comfortable against the back cushions. “To tell you the truth, I was beginning to worry I scared you off with all those thank you flowers after not seeing you for the last few days.” Lena raised a curious brow at her.

 

Kara blushed again and looked away, laughing nervously. “No, no, they were—they’re lovely, Lena. Really,” said Kara.

 

“Ah, well, then to what do I owe this pleasure. Is our visit to be business or personal?” That teasing glint was back in her eyes, and Kara had to look down and adjust her glasses just for something to do.

 

“Business, I’m afraid,” said Kara, and she really wished she could’ve said anything else. “Snapper wants a quote on, you know, the whole thing with your mother…”

 

Lena’s face fell almost imperceptible before she rearranged it into a tight smile, and Kara winced, hating the fact that she had put it there. She straightened, becoming instantly less relaxed. “Ah, yes, being falsely accused and thrown in jail only to be kidnapped by my insane mother in her attempt to kill Supergirl. That thing.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara hurried to say. “I know it’s all so recent and you must still be hurting—”

 

“No, don’t worry about it,” said Lena, brushing her concerns away with a wave of her hand.

 

Kara was fairly certain she would never not worry about Lena. The woman seemed to be a magnet for danger and disaster to the point that she was beginning to consider the merits of handing in her resignation to Snapper to become Lena’s full-time body guard. Not that that wouldn’t take some explaining.

 

“I did think we’d already covered most of that in your last article, though,” said Lena.

 

“I know,” said Kara. “But my boss is—” Kara cut herself off, deciding it was best not to finish that sentence. Lena seemed to get the gist, though, because she laughed lightly at Kara’s expression.

 

“Say no more,” said Lena. “Bad bosses. I wish I could say I relate, but…”

 

She quirked an eyebrow and Kara laughed, loud and free. She’d been feeling guilty and responsible for so much lately, it felt nice to have someone remind her she doesn’t have to feel guilty for doing her job, or, this job at least. Catco had always been her safe haven, but with Ms. Grant gone it had been feeling more like a coming storm lately. A challenge—a good challenge mostly!—but still a challenge, and Snapper was no Cat Grant.

 

She couldn’t deny, though, that being a reporter felt right. Growing up on Krypton, she’d always expected to join the Science Guild like her father, but there were many ways of helping people, and reporting the truth, making sure people had all the facts, that was important work.

 

(And, yes, Kara was all too aware of the irony of that—lying about who she was while digging for the truth in her day job—but there were little secrets, small, personal omissions that didn’t affect anyone but yourself, and then there were huge, world-altering secrets. Planet-destroying secrets. She’d learned that the hard way almost thirteen years ago.)

 

“So…what do you need exactly?” Lena was asking, pulling Kara out of her thoughts. “I’m guessing the official L-Corp statement won’t cut it?”

 

“Mmm, no,” said Kara, remembering a red-faced snapper calling it ‘PR bull.’

 

Lena stood easily, padding back to her desk to consider a few papers as she thought through her response. She leaned her hip against the side of the desk, half sitting on it.

 

“Okay, how’s this: I’m saddened to see my mother following in Lex’s xenophobic footsteps. Immigrants—including aliens—are the lifeblood of this country, and everyone, human and alien alike, deserves the opportunity to prove themselves. I hope that L-Corp and myself can continue to prove our commitment to all the inhabitants of National City in the days and years to come.

 

“As for my mother, I hope that she can be swiftly brought to justice and will be cooperating fully with law enforcement to help ensure that happens. In the meantime, I will continue to support Supergirl and others who protect the alien population of this city. You can change up the wording,” Lena said with a casual wave of the hand as she finished. “I trust you.”

 

Kara’s heart stuttered in her chest, but it didn’t seem like Lena even realized she’d said anything unusual. And she hadn’t. Not really. Lena had called Kara her hero just a few days ago, and ‘I trust you’ certainly fell lower on the friendship scale than that, but trust was big for Kara. She trusted—well, not easily, but freely—she knew the cost of trust, knew it could come back to haunt her if she trusted the wrong person, but she also knew the value of it. That trust was a powerful show of faith, and faith Kara had in spades.

 

Maybe it was more the fact that Lena said it so casually, without even looking up from the papers on her desk. Maybe it was more the fact that Kara knew exactly how much trust meant to Lena, who didn’t trust freely, who distrusted most people. Who had sometimes distrusted her. Maybe it was the fact that Lena saw Kara, really saw her (maybe more than she was even ready to admit), and that her trust meant more to Kara than maybe anything else in the world.

 

Maybe it was that Kara didn’t even realize how much she valued that trust until Lena handed it to her so willingly.

 

Kara stood up and walked over to her “Thank you,” she said, seriously, her eyes locking onto Lena’s green. She often felt gangly and uncomfortable next to Lena’s smooth, confident lines, but right then she didn’t feel out of sorts like Kara Danvers or overconfident like Supergirl, she felt every bit Kara Zor-El.

 

“For trusting me,” Kara continued, when Lena looked at her a little questioningly.

 

The moment stretched, too serious, too intimate. Kara could feel it, their eyes locked together. Lena was looking at her as if she held all the answers to the questions of the universe. And if Kara had them she wanted to give them to her.

 

Kara swallowed and shifted, raising a hand to push at her glasses. She cleared her throat and laughed a little, trying to break some of the tension of the moment, because when they had been staring into each other’s eyes, Lena’s had dropped for a moment and it had seemed as if…for just a moment as if she might…

 

Kara shook her head. Lena looked a little amused, maybe a little disappointed. “Of course, Kara,” she said, softly.

 

“That, um, that quote should work, I think,” said Kara with a small nod, trying to quietly guide them back to business.

 

“Right,” said Lena.

 

“Well, I guess I should—” Kara started to say at the same time as Lena said, “I never really thanked you.”

 

Kara shook her head, confused. “Thanked me? For what?”

 

Lena was still looking at her far too seriously. Kara could almost see her running scenarios, considering Kara’s response in her head even as she spoke. “For Cadmus. Everything you did for me.”

 

Kara laughed a little awkwardly, shuffling her feet. “Lena you filled my office with flowers and called me your hero, I think that’s plenty thanks enough.”

 

“Is it?” asked Lena, voice soft.

 

Kara inhaled sharply at her tone, wondering at the implication. She searched Lena’s eyes. They were unreadable, or maybe Kara just didn’t want to be able to read them. She looked down abruptly. “Really, Lena you were the one who almost died…”

 

“Supergirl nearly died too,” said Lena, “just to save me.”

 

Kara was shaking her head before Lena was even finished. “It’s Supergirl’s job to save people.”

 

“Maybe, but it’s not Supergirl’s job to believe in me. Most people don’t,” Lena said. “Most people—except you.”

 

Kara felt suddenly crowded-- by Lena’s presence, by the possibility of her knowing. They were so close, still, that Kara could almost feel Lena’s breath against her shoulder. She took a small step back. “Lena…”

 

Lena was looking at her so earnestly, so thoughtfully. She didn’t chase after Kara, letting her have her space, but her tone was no less fervent when she said: “And I need you to know that I believe in you, too, Kara Danvers, more than Supergirl, more than anyone else. I believe in you.”

 

And it was all too much, the moment too intense for Kara. Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest, just break through her ribs and float away. Could hearts do that? Hers definitely felt like it was going to. Or, maybe it was a heart attack. It definitely felt like a heart attack. Could she even have a heart attack? She’d have to ask Alex, but Rao how was she even supposed to explain this to her?

 

Apparently some of that was visible on her face, because Lena drew closer, a concerned look furrowing her brow. “Kara—” Lena started to say, reaching out for her arm.

 

Kara pulled back abruptly, heart still stuttering. She wasn’t sure what Lena was about to say, but she was entirely certain she wasn’t ready for it. “I have to go,” she said. She stook a step backward, and her knees were strangely shaky. Lena looked like she wanted to say something else, to apologize or continue or just ask Kara to stay. 

 

But then by some miracle or other, her phone actually did ring. Her DEO phone. She frowned down at it, knowing that they tried to avoid calling her in during work hours if they could help it. The caller I.D. said “Alex,” though so she didn’t hesitate to answer.

 

She gave Lena an apologetic look as she put the phone to her ear. “Sorry, I have to— Hello?”

 

 _“Sorry to call you in, but we have a bit of a situation here. And by situation I mean fire-breathing sewer monster,”_ said Alex.

 

“Okay, right, yeah, sure,” said Kara, still trying to get control of her heart. “I’m headed that way now.”

 

There was a long pause on the other end, and Kara wondered for a moment if Alex had hung up on her, but then: _“Hey, are you okay? You sound a little… I mean, I basically just told you there’s a dragon in the sewers, and you sound like you’re a negative two on the excited scale and your baseline is usually about an eight.”_

 

“No, yep, I’m fine,” said Kara, turning away to hide the conversation at least a little from Lena and trying to sound like she actually meant it. “Very excited.”

 

 _“Very believable. Just get your lazy butt over here,”_ said Alex, and then added. _“Dragons, Kara, dragons. You’re gonna be Khaleesi!”_ Kara could tell Alex was worried, was overdoing it to try to cheer her up.

 

“Okay, yeah, see you soon. Bye.” She hung up before Alex could say anything else.

 

Kara looked up to Lena, who wasn’t even trying to pretend that she hadn’t been listening closely. “Everything okay?” she asked. It was clear she knew everything wasn’t, but Kara shook her head and tried to put an easy smile on her face.

 

“Everything fine,” Kara said. “Just my sister being…well, my sister.”

 

Lena nodded, not saying anything to that obvious evasion. “I, um, I have to go,” Kara said again, but less panicked and with an actual excuse.

 

Lena assured her it was fine, and Kara made some vague suggestion about seeing her later this week. Lena looked uncertain, and Kara meant it—sort of—but she also had a sewer dragon to fight, apparently, and an unruly heart to get a hold of, so, really, the uncertainty was mutual. 

 

She was halfway down the elevator, goodbyes already said, when she heard Lena say, quiet and heartfelt, “Be careful.” It was a whisper, just a breath, far too quiet for anyone to hear. But Lena said it. And Kara heard it. And Kara knew that Lena had meant her to hear it.

 

A whisper. A whisper that no human could possibly hope to hear.

 

Her already wild heart careened into chaos within her chest. She raced out of the building and changed into Supergirl in a flash out in the alleyway off of L-Corp before launching herself into the air. She set a course for the DEO where she hoped to punch some dragons. She was eager for the distraction, any distraction.

 

She was ninety percent certain Lena knew she was Supergirl.

 

And, oh Rao, Alex was going to kill her for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want to bombard you all before you even read the thing, but here are a few housekeeping notes: 
> 
>  
> 
> 1) SuperCorp is end game, but check the tags. The focus of this fic is more on Kara and her figuring out her feelings, so when I say slow burn I mean don’t expect more than hearteyes and longing glances until the last few chapters. And even then, it's probably going to be mostly hearteyes and longing glances. 
> 
> 2) This fic is outlined, and some of chapter 2 is already written so hopefully the next update will be out before too long, but alas writing fanfiction is not my full time job so don’t expect a super regular update schedule. 
> 
> 3) The first chapter was a little Lena-heavy, but we’re going to explore Kara’s relationship with a lot of other characters in the chapters to come! Next up: Lucy and James! 
> 
> 4) Kudos and leave a comment to make my day! Seriously. It will make my day. Tell me what you liked, didn’t like (nicely, though, please! constructive criticism is always welcome), what you want to see in coming chapters, how much you love Kara Danvers, etc etc. I'm pretty nervous about posting this first chapter, so help a sister out and give me some motivation to keep working on the next one!


	2. Unintended Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations with Lucy and James feel a little like mending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did this chapter, which was supposed to be fairly short, wind up being longer than the first chapter? *shakes head in confusion*

 

 

“I don’t know, Luce, it’s not like I can just ask her.”

 

_“Can’t you, though?”_

 

Kara huffed into the phone. “Well, obviously _I could_. But, I don’t think—I don’t know. It’s complicated, Lucy.”

 

 _“So I’m hearing,”_ said Lucy, the sound of a laugh in her voice.

 

Kara had never expected Lucy Lane—former romantic rival and daughter of General Lane—to become one of her closest friends. Then again, maybe Supers and Lanes just had a connection. If her cousin was anything to go by, there was certainly something to that.

 

But Lucy and Kara hadn’t exactly had an easy start.

 

Still, somewhere between following James to National City, tormenting Kara as Supergirl, charging her sister with treason, and then helping her rescue said sister en route to a government black site, well, they’d become close. When she was shipped off on some super-secret assignment shortly after Myriad Kara had been more than a little upset.

 

Lucy had become a good friend, and for all that Kara was kind and effusive and sunny most all of the time, she still didn’t manage to rack up all that many friends—especially girlfriends, or, friends that were girls. Aside from Alex, Lucy was the only one—and since Alex was her sister and therefore obligated to put up with her, that didn’t really count.

 

(And, okay, yes, now there was Lena and M’gann and sort-of Maggie, and Vasquez was a pretty good work friend, but those were all more recent additions. Post-Lucy additions.)  

 

Point being, there was a reason Kara held on to her friends so tightly and it wasn’t just that she was an overeager puppy edging toward the overly touchy-feely. It had more to do with the fact that Kara didn’t have the luxury of letting that many people in, so when she did—and when she found someone who could put up with all the crazy that came with being a part of her life—she grabbed tight and didn’t let go.

 

Of course, that was easier to do when said friends weren’t at undisclosed locations doing secret _‘yes, seriously Kara, it’s top security clearance, I can’t tell you so you can just fly out here, I could be court martialed’_ work for the government. Or when said friends didn’t possibly know your secret identity before you’d decided to tell them.

 

 “Ugh.” Kara decided that was the best summation of her current feelings, in any language.

 

_“I know her being a Luthor makes things…well, tricky—”_

 

“It’s not that, though!” Kara said, quick to interrupt. “I mean, yeah, sure, I guess. But, seriously, Lucy, she’s not like that! She’s not like her mother...like _Lex_. She’s smart and good and brave, and she keeps trying to do what’s right, to _make_ things right, even when everyone expects her to fail.”

 

 _“Wow, its sounds like you’re about ready to let her join the Superfriends,”_ said Lucy.

 

Kara rolled her eyes. Despite her best efforts Winn had continued to use that name for their little group of friends and everyone else had latched onto it with fervor. (And at this point Kara was half convinced they did it just to annoy her, but whatever.)

 

Lucy continued: _“It sounds like you really care about her.”_

 

“She’s—she’s a good friend,” said Kara.

 

A sigh. _“Look, I’m not going to pretend I think it’s a great idea,”_ said Lucy, continuing quickly before Kara could interrupt. _“Yeah, I know, I know, she’s not her family, judge her by her own merit, yada yada. Trust me, I get it—I certainly don’t want anybody judging me by my family. And it’s not like I’ve ever met her, but this isn’t exactly just a matter of judging her, Kara. If she is anything like her family, then she not only has the knowledge, but the_ means _to kill a Kryptonian. This is about your life and your safety._

 

 _“But,”_ Lucy continued, dragging out the word. _“She hasn’t given you any reason to doubt her up to now, right? She’s even protected you. So, I guess what I’m saying here is, I trust you and if you think she’s different then I trust that, too. But I’m still going to worry.”_

 

Kara huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, Lucy.”

 

_“And if she ever hurts you, I will single handedly ensure that she never sees the light of day again.”_

 

“Um, right,” said Kara, taking it as a joke, but also a little unsure how much of one it was meant to be considering Lucy’s tone.

 

 _“Seriously,”_ Lucy continued, a little too cheerfully, _“I know some people.”_

 

“Seriously, she’s not like that,” returned Kara.

 

 _“Well, then, I gotta be honest. Other than the whole Alex killing you thing, I’m sort of circling back to my main point of you asking her what she knows. Or just telling her!”_ said Lucy Lane, tolerator of zero bullshit. _“I mean you told me, and I—I’m really glad you did, Kara. Maybe she would be, too.”_

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Kara didn’t really want to get into all the reasons that might be a bad idea. Because most of them involved the creeping loneliness she’d been feeling lately, the lingering fear of losing anyone she cared about, and the strange, jittery feeling she got in her stomach anytime Lena smiled at her.

 

_“Regardless, you know I’m here for you, right?”_

 

“Yeah, I’m probably gonna need all the help I can get if Alex ever finds out about this.”

 

_“Oh, no, you’re on your own with that one, Supergirl! I wouldn’t get between Alex and anything she wants to punch with a ten foot pole!”_

 

Lucy laughed and the sound was so infectious that Kara joined her, a light, bubbly feeling growing in her stomach that almost made up the difference of only being able to talk to Lucy over the phone and not in person.

 

“I miss you,” Kara sighed into the phone, and she really, really did. “When are you coming back, again?”

 

_“Classified.”_

 

“Rude.”

 

Lucy laughed. _“I miss you too, Kara. Talk again soon?”_

 

“Count on it!”

 

Kara hung up the call just as she rounded the corner onto Catco Plaza where she had told James she wanted to meet him for lunch. There was still an awkwardness between them, and the whole Guardian thing hadn’t really helped ( _because how could he put himself in danger like that, put Winn in danger, and not even tell her?!_ ), but she was trying. James was still one of her best friends, her family, and she didn’t want to lose him no matter how uncomfortable things had gotten.

 

He was already there, waiting at the corner of the building. He hadn’t noticed her yet, was just checking something on his phone. Probably something acting-CEO related ( _or Guardian related,_ she couldn’t help but add) since the work never seemed to abate. She felt a little guilty for taking time out of his schedule, but he had to eat lunch sometime. In Kara’s experience, CEOs tended to be pretty terrible at taking care of themselves, and if carry-out lunch dates with Lena were any—nope, she wasn’t going to go there. Not now. She was going to have lunch with her friend / ex-almost-something, and she wasn’t going to think about any other CEOs with annoying beautiful smiles during it.

 

She took a moment at the corner to take a deep breath and put a smile on her face before moving into James’ line of sight. He put his phone away when he saw her and walked over to meet her half-way.

 

She held out a coffee like a peace offering, giving him a bright smile.

 

James grinned, taking the coffee and pulling her into a hug that felt a little like coming home. “Thanks,” he said with that toothy smile of his, and, Rao, she’d missed this, this easy friendship between the two of them.

 

“I figured you might need it what with all the—you know—late hours,” she said, adjusting her glasses as she faltered over the last half of the sentence. She hadn’t _meant_ to imply anything about his night job—the late hours were more in reference to his new job as big boss at CatCo—but that wasn’t exactly how it had sounded.

 

James grimaced a little, but didn’t acknowledge the gaffe. “Thanks,” he said.

 

They walked over to the wide steps leading down into the plaza and sat. Kara settled the take out bag from Noonan’s on her lap and pulled out the first of the four sandwiches she’d ordered, taking a large bite. James started in on his own lunch, and he knew Kara well enough to not get between her and food, just letting them eat in silence for several minutes until Kara's hunger was abated enough to talk. 

 

 “So, what’s it like being big boss at CatCo?” Kara asked during a lull in between bites.

 

“Honestly, I don’t know how Cat did it,” he said, shaking his head. “And as a single mom, too! I mean, I know the woman’s practically superhuman, but most days I feel like I’m just barely hanging on.”

 

Kara nudged his shoulder. “You’ll get there. She chose you for a reason, James.”

 

“Yeah, because she needed someone to shove all that work onto.”

 

“Because she trusts you,” Kara said emphatically.

 

James sighed, then shook his head as if to clear it and smiled over at Kara. “Really, I’m just counting down the days until she gets this new adventure out of her system and comes back to National City.”

 

“Aren’t we all,” said Kara with a laugh.

 

“Hey,” James said, a teasing glint in his eyes, “careful or I’ll think you like working for Cat Grant more than me.”

 

Kara laughed and then gave him a pointed look, “No offence, James, but yes that is exactly what I mean.”

 

He shoved her shoulder playfully. “Offence taken.”

 

It was such a bright, easy start to their lunch that Kara felt hopeful things could return to some semblance of normalcy between them. If not now, then soon.

 

"Right, well, not to question Cat's judgement, but if she'd known where my head was I'm not sure she'd have offered me the job. I'm not sure I would've taken it either," said James. "I never gave you enough credit for how hard it is, doing the whole double life thing. I mean, between running CatCo and _my other job_..." 

 

James trailed off with a worried glance at Kara, seeming to realize that perhaps he'd led them into unintended waters. Kara, for her part, panicked and shoved the rest of her sandwich into her mouth, realizing too late that that was probably at least as bad a response as shouting _'the guardian is a disgrace to vigilantes everywhere,'_ though maybe marginally less dramatic. She struggled to chew around her puffed out cheeks and shot James what she hoped was a normal--and not petrified--smile when he gave her a concerned look.

 

At least chewing gave her some time to think. She wasn't sure if she should take James' lead from earlier, just ignore the reference and move on. Pretend the only strain on their relationship was the unwieldy fallout from their near-dating experience. Or should she do the mature thing, acknowledge the issue and try to talk it out like adults-- adults who talked about their problems instead of pulverizing concrete blocks beneath their fists or shoving grilled cheese sandwiches in their faces.

 

(Of course, there was also the option of superspeeding out of there, but Kara dismissed that one out of hand for a number of reasons.) 

 

It was out there now. It would probably be even more awkward to ignore it.

 

She decided to woman up and face this head on.  

 

 “Right," said Kara, swallowing awkwardly around the huge lump of grilled cheese that she somehow managed not to choke on, "and...how is the... other job?” 

 

James looked at her askance, maybe judging how much she actually wanted an answer to that question. Kara did her best to keep a serene, interested expression to encourage him. (Anything had to be better than shoving another sandwich in her mouth at this point, right?)

 

 Because they should talk about this; they _needed_ to talk about this.

 

But Kara didn’t exactly have a great track record with her friends these past few weeks. She’d all but run away from Lena. She’d crushed Mon-El when she was only just trying to explain why there weren’t compatible. She’d yelled at James and made him think she didn’t trust him when all she wanted was for him to understand how dangerous being a superhero was, how she knew he could make a difference without throwing himself in front of bad guys with guns, how she was terrified deep in her bones so it all just came out as anger and hurtful words.

 

(And, Rao, didn’t he know she had nightmares where she had to watch all the people she loved die, where she was held helpless, where Earth burned like Krypton, and she couldn’t fly fast enough to save her family?)

 

If she was honest, she still didn’t really know how to face the anger and hurt of finding out that James had not only done something like this, but had kept it from her, hadn’t trusted her to understand or help.

 

She had trusted James from almost the moment she’d met him, and even if things had been awkward between them, he was still one of her best friends. It hurt to think maybe that had changed for him.

 

“Are you sure you really want to know?” he asked.

 

Kara nodded, not entirely trusting herself to speak convincingly.

 

He still looks dubious, but said, “Good. Yeah, it’s going really good." His words grew faster and more excited as he really started talking about, like maybe a part of him had been wanting to do this with her. Talk superhero stuff. "I think Winn and I are getting into a good groove of being partners, and after the initial learning curve of getting my ass handed to me, I feel like I’m really starting to make a difference.”

 

“That’s great.” Her voice was maybe a little too high and cheery to be entirely sincere. She tried again. “Really, James, I—I’m glad things are going so well, and I really am proud of all you’re doing… _even if I wish you would’ve at least told me you were doing it_.”

 

She winced. That was true, but she hadn’t really meant to say it out loud.

 

James sighed, shaking his head like he had known she wasn’t going to take this conversation well. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you Kara.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“Do you?” he asked quickly. “Because it seems like you’re taking it really personally, and I can’t decide if it’s because you’re upset I hid something from you for once or because you don’t like that you’re not the only hero anymore.”

 

That stung. It reminded her of some of the nastier insults Mon-El had thrown her way about why she was a hero, and Kara was quick to snap back. “And I can’t decide if you’re being an asshole or if that Guardian helmet has just been cutting off circulation to your brain.”

 

James winced and pulled back a little. He seemed to realize that he’d gone a step too far. He knew that Kara put her life on the line every day—had almost given it up completely more than once—just to protect the people of this planet.

 

“Sorry, that was uncalled for,” he said finally, sounding like he truly meant it. Kara nodded.

 

This conversation was not going at all how she had planned. She had told herself she was going to be calm and collected. She had told herself she wasn’t going to bring up the Guardian thing at all, seeing as how she always seemed to lose her cool when she thought of James and Winn throwing themselves into danger.

 

Kara sighed, and tried a different tack. “You’re human, James,” she said. “ _Winn_ is human. Neither of you has had proper training—”

 

“I have a black belt!”

 

“Yeah, and a lot of good that will do you against bullets!” she snapped.

 

Kara took a deep breath, trying to control her breathing. They had both turned to face each other, squaring off unintentionally. She hadn’t meant to rehash old arguments. James already knew where she stood on this, and she knew where he stood, too. It was time to figure out some way to move forward.

 

“You’re right,” she said slowly. “It hurt that you didn’t tell me, that you hid this from me. It hurt that you put Winn in a position to lie to me, and it really, really hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to believe that if this was something you were really set on doing that I would help you.”

 

Kara looked away, squinting, not so much against the high afternoon sun as at her feelings. “I thought we were closer than that.”

 

“I—look,” said James, “I’m not saying it was the right choice. But I really didn’t think it would hurt you this much. I guess I just didn’t think, period.”

 

“It’s not just that I was hurt…” Kara began slowly. She fiddled with her glasses, looked down and up and then back at James. “You and Winn are important to me, and it scares me to see you throwing yourself in the line of fire when you're very human and very not bulletproof,” she admitted.

 

That was part of the truth, anyway, and an undercurrent of the sheer terror she felt when she thought of losing any one of them. Rao, why did humans have to be so fragile?

 

(Why did she have to be so strong?)

 

"I guess I get that," he said slowly. Then, "But doesn't it freak you out when Alex does stuff for the DEO? I mean, I've seen her literally dive after aliens twice her size." 

 

Kara laughed, thinking _Rao yes_ , but just squinted over at him and said, "Would you find it super insulting if I said she has years of DEO training on you and actually can take on aliens twice her size?" 

 

James burst out laughing, clutching his sides. "No, but only because it's true," he said once his laughter subsided a little. "Alex could kick all our asses." 

 

"True," said Kara. 

 

“And, hey, for what it’s worth, Winn did want to tell you,” James said, sobering for a moment. 

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” said James, with an amused shake of his head. “Tried to convince me more than once.”

 

Kara took a big bite of the avocado and grilled cheese sandwich, having already finished the first and choked the second down as a delay tactic, and chewed thoughtfully. “I guess I just don’t understand why you feel like you have to go out and fight bad guys to do good in the world, when you could do so much at CatCo,” said Kara, gesturing toward the building behind them. “I mean, telling the news, _that’s important_. We need people of integrity—people like _you_ —to get to the truth, no matter how scary, no matter what’s against us.”

 

“I could ask you the same thing,” James said seriously. 

 

Kara scoffed. To her, there was no equivalency. James was a human. She was the last daughter of Krypton. She hadn’t survived the destruction of her planet to sit back and do nothing. She had an obligation to Kal, to her mother, to all the people of Krypton and Earth to make a difference, to do good.

 

“Yeah, but I—I have powers,” said Kara, struggling to find some way to explain the weight on her shoulders to James, knowing he'd probably never really understand it. “It would be like…criminal negligence if I didn’t use them for something. Besides, this is…this is what I was _meant_ to do.”

 

“Well, there you go,” he said. “That’s how I feel, too.”

 

Kara thought about arguing, explaining that he couldn’t possibly understand, that Kal was the only person in the world who might even start to, but that even he couldn’t get it completely. Instead she just nodded.

 

He bumped her shoulder. “Besides somebody’s gotta keep small-time crime off the street while Supergirl’s busy fighting aliens and Cadmus, right?”  
Kara laughed, thinking she really missed the days when Fort Rozz escapees and human criminals had been her biggest worry.

 

The lapsed into a mostly comfortable silence as they refocused on their lunches. Kara ate her grilled cheese with gusto, finishing it up in only a couple of bites that had James laughing and calling her a chipmunk, before licking her fingers and starting in on her fourth.

 

James finished up his own lunch and returned to the coffee, sipping it slowly and considering Kara out of the corner of his eye.

 

“So give me the Kara Update. What’s new in your life?” he asked.

 

Kara scrambled for something to tell him other than the truth which was that outside of trying to avoid being unceremoniously fired by Snapper and keep up with all of her work as Supergirl, she didn’t have much of a life lately.

 

“Well…” Kara said, “I’ve been spending some time with Alex and Maggie at the alien bar—they like to go there after work. Maggie was really excited to play pool against me until she found out I’m almost as good as Alex—I mean, it’s all just geometry and physics, it’s not like it’s _hard_!—but it’s been nice getting to know her. She and Alex are really good together,” said Kara, a small smile on her face as she thought about how happy Alex was lately. Kara would’ve liked Maggie on her own, but with how happy she made Alex, Kara was pretty sure Maggie Sawyer had quickly become one of her all-time favorite people in the world.

 

Of course, it didn’t hurt that she’d also figured out that the quickest way to Kara’s heart (other than making her sister smile) was through food. The girl knew her way around the National City food scene—even if she was  _vegan_. Kara winced a little at the very thought. The donuts she brought for Kara on a semi-regular basis more than made up for it, though.

 

“And I get lunch with Lena sometimes,” Kara continued, not noticing the immediate shift in James’ expression at the name. “She’s so busy she forgets to eat, like, at least fifty percent of the time, so I try to bring her food when I have enough time at lunch, and when she isn’t too busy I stay and eat with her. I'm sure you know what that's like, though, don't you, Mr. CEO.”

 

Kara frowned when she realized that James was not returning her bright smile and was in fact staring at her like she'd sprouted antenna. 

 

 “Lena? Lena Luthor?” said James, as if there were a handful of Lenas Kara might’ve been talking about.

 

Kara rolled her eyes. “Yes, Lena Luthor,” she said. “Actually, I was thinking about inviting her to game night…” They really hadn’t had one it too long, and Kara thought it might bring back a little bit of much needed balance in her life.

 

“Game night? Kara, are you serious?!” he said, a little too loudly.

 

Kara bristled a little at that. “Yes, James, game night. As in, the night when I invite all the people I care about to spend time together,” she said. “As in, the night when I spend time with my friends, because Lena is my _friend_.”

 

James shook his head softly, but didn’t say anything. Kara gritted her teeth together. She thought they’d been through this, she thought James had gotten over his mistrust of Lena after Kara risked her life to clear the woman’s name. After Lena proved that she was willing to endanger her own life just to protect Supergirl’s.

 

Lena was a good person, but unlike Lucy, James couldn't seem to take Kara's word for it. 

 

“You still don’t trust her,” she said finally, and she tried to keep the frustration out of her voice, she really did, but this was getting old.

 

James sighed, deflating a little. “I’m sorry, Kara. I know—I know you trust her, and I trust you, but… You have this tendency to always see the best in everyone, Kara, and it’s one of the things I—it’s one of the best things about you, but sometimes it scares me. I know you can take care of yourself, but I also know you throw yourself in the line of fire everyday just for the chance of keeping everyone else safe. I know what a burden that is, Kara. I’ve seen it with Clark, and I’ve seen it with you. And I know you aren’t thrilled about me being Guardian—”

 

He held up a hand so Kara wouldn’t interrupt. “I get it, okay? You want to protect me—regardless of the fact that I can take care of myself and it’s my choice to make, but that’s not the point. The point is, I care about you and I don’t want to see you get hurt.

 

“I saw what it did to Clark, Lex turning on him. It nearly killed him, and I don’t just mean the kryptonite. Seeing someone you care about turn on you like that?” James shook his head. “I just don’t want to see it happen to you, that’s all.”

 

Kara’s brow creased. She reached out and grabbed James’ hand, touched by the depth of his concern. Touched more than she could express in a tongue that still sometimes wasn’t quite hers (even after years of practice and degrees in English and Communications under her belt). “She isn’t like that, James.”

 

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug.

 

She squeezed his hand, and then dropped her own back into her lap. “I do trust you, you know,” she said. “And I know things have been— _weird_ —between us lately.” Kara looked down, sort of hoping a portal to Earth-1 would open up with Barry begging for her help against killer aliens rather than have this particular conversation.

 

"I’ve lost a lot of people, James," she said finally. Kara up to the sky, gathering strength and courage from the sun, and then looked up and met James’ eyes again. “I guess, I just—I don’t want to lose you.”

 

He looked...maybe a little surprised by the admission. But his expression immediately softened. 

 

“You won’t,” he said, voice full and sure, before pulling her into a strong hug.“Or Winn. In fact, at this point I think you’re pretty much stuck with us forever!”

 

 He laughed against her side, and Kara playfully shoved him away as he planted a kiss against her forehead.

 

Things weren’t like they were before—maybe it was too much to hope for, anyway—but James was still there, and they were both still trying. They still had a long way to go, but it was a start. The two of them finished the coffee and lunch (or, second lunch in Kara’s case) over easy conversation, and parted with a hug. It felt a little like healing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Thank you SO MUCH for the comments and kudos so far! It really does mean a lot to me that so many of you are interested in this fic, and know that every kudos and (especially!) comment makes my day. 
> 
> You may have noticed that the chapter count went up. As I was finishing up this chapter, I realized that a couple of the later chapters were going to turn out way too long if I didn't break them up, so that's what's up with that. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the Lucy and James interactions in this chapter. Next up: Alex!! (mostly, also some Snapper and drama and quite a bit of action) The next chapter is proving to be a bit of a behemoth (it’s one of the ones I realized would probably need to be split), but I’ll get it out for you guys as soon as I can. 
> 
> Leave a review, and let me know what you think!
> 
>  


	3. Get the Job Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snapper’s a jerk, and the DEO gets a possible lead on Cadmus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 200 kudos on the first two chapters!? I can't believe it. Y’all are amazing.

 

 

It had been a long day. It had already been a long day, and it was only a quarter to noon. Kara was pretty sure she needed a vacation, but unfortunately neither the sewer dragons that had continued to regenerate periodically over the past few days (until Alex finally figured out how to put a stop to it) nor Snapper seemed to agree.

 

Already in the four-odd hours she’d been at work, she’d been called a “disgrace to journalism” by Snapper and listened to at least three different co-workers talking about how much crime was slipping through Supergirl’s cracks.

 

And it wasn’t as if she wasn’t already sleep deprived from the long hours at the DEO lately, not to mention the pressure to churn out Catco-quality articles on a near-daily basis. She was doing the best she could.

 

 _But what if it still wasn’t good enough?_ Kara tried to shake off the thought.

 

“Where do you think you’re going, ponytail?”

 

“Uh, lunch,” said Kara gesturing lamely toward the door. Actually, she was headed to the DEO to assist on a scheduled mission to check out a defunct shipping warehouse rumored to be a Cadmus base, but technically she _was_ going on her lunch break, so…

 

“Nope,” said Snapper. “My desk. Now.”

 

Kara sighed. She really, really didn’t have time for this. And frankly, she had no interest in listening to another series of stunningly crafted insults from Snapper today. She followed him over to his desk anyway.

 

“What is this?” Snapper said, and it was less a question, more an accusation. Kara looked to see where he was pointing and found her most recent article—the one on Lena and the Luthor’s connection to Cadmus—spread open on his desk.

 

Kara tried to keep a defensively blank face, guessing it was best to just let him work up to it so she could get this over with and get out of here. Besides, other than the obvious answer, which she knew he wasn’t looking for, she really didn’t know what he meant.

 

“I can stomach a lot, Danvers,” said Snapper, his voice low but growing, “your inexperience, your tenuous—at best—grasp of proper AP style, even your cloying optimism, but this?” Snapper gestured sharply down at the folder on his desk. “This is unacceptable.”

 

Kara’s cheeks burned. She could feel the eyes of the rest of the bullpen boring into her. It wasn’t exactly like Snapper was keeping his voice down.

 

An all the worse, because she’d thought she was actually starting to get a hang of this whole journalism thing. Sure she’d been overworked lately, maybe even a little overwhelmed, but she was managing.

 

A few things had fallen through the cracks—rushed conversations and forgetful moments and texts from Lena that had gone unanswered…

 

(But really, what was she supposed to do with, _we should talk_ , and, _are you okay_?)

 

Kara wasn’t avoiding Lena _exactly_. (She knew they needed to talk. _She knew they needed to talk._ ) But if she didn’t even have time to have an actual lunch break or—apparently—decently edit an article for Snapper, then how was she supposed to figure out a way to apologize to her friend for not having told her her secret? How could she explain that it wasn’t about trust or _Luthors_?

 

She certainly didn’t have time for _this_ , for Snapper yelling at her over a throwaway story when she was supposed to be meeting Alex at the DEO.

 

“I told you to look into the Luthor-Cadmus connection,” he said, “to _dig_.”

 

“I did! I interviewed Lena Luthor—”

 

“And then gave me another glowing article about baby Luthor’s refusal to follow in her family’s xenophobic footsteps. I told you I didn’t want another fluff piece, and this is all fluff,” he finished, picking up the folder and waving it in Kara’s face.

 

Kara clenched her jaw. She was already running late, and Snapper seemed like he was only just ramping up.

 

_Just let him get it all out, just take it for a little longer._

 

“And the spelling, Danvers. I expect my reporters to have at least a basic grasp of English spelling. This crap,” he said, gesturing sharply toward the article on his desk, “reads like it was written by an illiterate dog whose only experience with the English language was a junior high bathroom stall.”

 

Someone snorted at that, before quickly muffling their laughter. Kara didn’t look. She didn’t want to know which of her co-workers it was. 

 

Painful enough, to be upbraided in front of everyone. Painful enough, to be criticized so completely and told her article was worthless. Painful enough, to know that it really probably wasn’t her best, even if she had stayed up most of the night to finish it.

 

The spelling, though, the spelling…that was the kicker.

 

That was what turned annoyance and embarrassment into simmering anger and hurt. That was what took her over the edge.

 

Kara knew her spelling sucked—she wasn’t an idiot. Her professors in college used to hound her over it, and she had fond (if only in hindsight) memories of Jeremiah drilling her on spelling words at the kitchen table. It didn’t exactly help matters that stupid rules like ‘i before e’ were wrong more often than not and half the time letters were infuriatingly silent.

 

She used spellcheck religiously and would read over articles five times before even thinking about submitting them.

 

Still, her spelling sucked. Kara knew it. Everyone knew it. But to call her out like that, so publicly, so cruelly…

 

The corners of Kara’s eyes were burning, and she couldn’t tell if it was because she was about to cry or heat vision Snapper into a smoldering pile of human barbeque.

 

Because her spelling sucked— _of course her spelling sucked_ —because she didn’t even know the English language existed until she was thirteen! It wasn’t exactly like she could get in Snapper’s face and scream _“I’m an immigrant,”_ though, or tell him that English wasn’t even her second language, but her ninth.

 

It wasn’t like she could call him on his bullshit or tell him how bigoted and condescending he was being.

 

Because she was Kara Danvers, not Supergirl, not Kara Zor-El, not a refugee from a lost planet. Not the last daughter of Krypton. She was just Kara Danvers, newbie reporter.

 

And she could speak over a dozen languages fluently (and almost a third of them from this planet), but her spelling still sucked.

 

“If you really want to be a reporter, Danvers, then you’ve got to learn how to ask the tough questions, how to dig deep,” said Snapper, sitting down behind his desk. “You think she doesn’t have anything to do with Cadmus, that she's going to make a new name for her family and bring technology into its next golden age? Fine. But tell it in a way that doesn’t make you sound like the president of the Lena Luthor fan club.”

 

Kara swallowed. Hard.

 

“Rewrite it,” said Snapper. Not even glancing up at her. Maybe if he had he’d have seen the burning anger, the scalding hurt in her eyes. “I want something actually readable by 7pm tonight, Danvers, got that?”

 

“Anything else?” Kara asked through clenched teeth, torn between wanting to dropkick Snapper into the stratosphere and wanting to run out of here so she could just fly or scream or cry for a few minutes.

 

“That’s it,” he deadpanned.

 

Kara snatched the article off his desk and hurried out of the bullpen.

 

 

********************

 

 

“You’re late,” Alex said as soon as she landed on the balcony of the DEO’s downtown location. Because that, apparently, was just the way today was going to go. _Swell._

 

“Oh, really? And here I thought I was right on time,” said Kara. She strode forward off the balcony, passing right by Alex who raised her eyebrows at that tone and level of snark.

 

Flying typically left Kara somewhere between bubbly and exuberant. The fact that Kara could’ve currently been described as somewhat closer to brusque was a telling sign that she wasn’t in a great headspace.

 

Alex had almost thirteen years of experience with reading her little sister, and that particular tell did not escape her. She considered Kara, clad in her supersuit, hands fisted, almost marching toward the command center. Her brow furrowed. “Wait, Kar, is everything okay?”

 

“Everything’s fine. Let’s just _do this_ , okay?” Kara said, walking into the main room of the DEO, and mumbling, “I really wanna punch something.”

 

“Kara…” Alex said, reaching out to grab Kara’s arm.

 

It couldn’t stop her, not many things on this planet could, but Kara slowed anyway, and as soon as she did Alex was gripping her shoulders. Kara sank into the touch without a thought.

 

Alex tended to avoid using her real name at the DEO, except when they were alone or she could tell Kara was really upset, so Kara knew she wasn’t getting out of this one easily.

 

(Winn had informed her once that her identity was the worst-kept secret at the DEO, because the Danvers sisters—no matter how much they tried—couldn’t _not_ be sisters. Which was to say, everyone knew. If nothing else, the number of times Alex (or Winn) had shouted Kara’s name in sheer terror as she stared down death probably would’ve given them up.

 

Everyone knew. They just kept their mouths shut about it, because as long as nobody knew they knew they didn’t have to go see Pam in HR and sign three pounds of NDAs and paperwork.

 

Kara preferred to think she and her super-secret agent sister were smoother than that, but really who was she kidding…)

 

“I don’t want to talk about it. Besides we have a mission, and I’m already late,” Kara said, a little cheekily.

 

“A mission can wait,” said Alex, pulling Kara into a side room and then gathering her up into a full hug, away from watchful eyes. “Talk to me, Kara. What’s going on with you?”

 

Kara shook her head against Alex’s shoulder. She appreciated Alex pulling them away to have a moment, but it was also a reminder that appearing weak as Supergirl wasn’t an option.

 

Sometimes it seemed like Supergirl was never allowed to be weak, whereas Kara Danvers was never anything but.

 

“I’m just…tired,” Kara said, because it was true, and it was also a part of a larger truth. And also because maybe if she could just get a full night’s sleep she’d start feeling less off balance. She gripped Alex’s shirt— _carefully, always carefully_ —in her fists.

 

Alex rubbed her hand down the plane of her back, soothing circles across her shoulder blades. Kara could feel her worry. It ran deep.

 

(Alex’s worry for Kara always did.)

 

She tried to pull back the mood, laughed a little, somewhat shakily. “And Snapper’s a jerk.”

 

Alex pulled back a little to look at her. “Again? I’m beginning to think I might need to pay him a visit…”

 

Kara grabbed her sister, drawing her back in, and mumbled against her shoulder, “You’re not allowed to kill my boss.”

 

“I mean, I wouldn’t have to _kill_ him…” Alex said thoughtfully, but she was teasing and smirking at Kara, trying to brighten her mood, and maybe remind her that Alex was always there for her. No matter the stakes, however small or insurmountable.

 

It helped a little. Enough that Kara could take a deep breath and pull away. “Maybe you should save some of those violent tendencies for the mission.”

 

But Alex was her best friend and her sister, and Kara wasn’t fooling her for a second. “Kara—”

 

“I’m fine, really,” Kara said quickly—maybe a little too quickly—but she was smiling, wide if not easy.

 

Alex considered her seriously, zeroing in on the dark circles under her eyes, the subtle droop of her shoulders now that they were alone. “Have you not been sleeping?”

 

Kara shrugged. Alex turned instantly stern. “Kara, you may be Kryptonian, but you still have to sleep. Especially when you’re stressed,” she reached out to rub Kara’s arm, knowing very well how soothing touch was for her little sister.

 

“I’m okay, really,” said Kara, trying to brush off her worry. They did have a mission to get to—and if it meant getting a possibly lead on Lillian Luthor at the same time as getting to punch something, all the better for Kara’s pent up and aimless energy.

 

“I don’t want you going out there if you head isn’t on straight…” Alex said, not warningly exactly, but still serious.

 

“Well, your head’s never on straight,” Kara mumbled, unable to help herself, “so...”

 

Alex swatted at her as Kara used a burst of superspeed to escape from the room. “Well, if you’re well enough to make jokes about my sexuality, I guess you’re okay for the mission,” she said, following after her. “But you better hope you don’t need any backup, _Supergirl_ , because payback will be short and sweet.”

 

Alex gave her a pointed look, but she couldn’t hide the hint of a smile from her eyes.

 

J’onn was waiting for them at the central console with Winn and some of the other techies, presumably going over last minute mission details. He glanced up as Alex and Kara approached.

 

“Supergirl you’re—”

 

“Late, I know,” Kara interrupted, not wanting to get into this again and feeling antsy for something to do.

 

J’onn raised an eyebrow, but he was fairly used to her lip by now. Kara was a lot of things, but a soldier was not one of them.

 

“Right, well, it’s a small op today so I’ll let Agent Danvers do the mission debrief once the team is assembled, but Supergirl you’re to provide backup only,” he said.

 

Kara frowned. She hadn’t been expecting that. “Backup? Seriously? On Cadmus?"

 

“I mean, they have nearly killed you twice in the past few weeks,” Winn piped up from his workstation. Alex, J’onn, and Kara all turned to glare at him in sync, and he drew back under their gaze. “Right, yep, shutting up now,” he said turning back to his computer and trying to look busy and undeserving of the space fam's ire.

 

“Mr. Schott is right if predictably lacking finesse,” said J’onn, narrowing his eyes once more at Winn before turning his attention back to Kara and Alex. “Cadmus knows your weaknesses and has shown no hesitation in exploiting them. You’re too valuable to risk on a reconnaissance mission.”

 

"Especially one that could prove to be a trap," added Alex. J'onn nodded. 

 

Kara could already feel herself chaffing under those demands. She wasn’t about to sit idly by while other people put their lives in danger, especially not against a group that was targeting aliens specifically. Especially not against Lillian Luthor.

 

“And you think they’ll go any easier on the _human_ agents?” she asked angrily.

 

“I think those human agents are trained to go up against superior forces and win,” he told her simply. 

 

Kara felt her anger simmering over, but held it back somehow, not wanting to take out her frustrations on J’onn, knowing it was probably at least somewhat misplaced. She breathed in, counting to ten. Taking out her frustrations on unsuspecting Cadmus agents was apparently out, and unless things went bad (which she definitely wasn't hoping for, even under the circumstances) she would just have to sit back and watch, maybe do a little long distance reconnaissance with her powers, but still...

 

Alex was looking at her in concern. J’onn was glancing back and forth between both of them, trying to put together the pieces, and Kara could guess that he was getting a lot of psychic projections—intentional or otherwise—from Alex.

 

Kara wasn't a soldier, but she knew the drill by now where following orders (at least to a point) was concerned. She gritted her teeth and then nodded. “Yeah, fine.”

 

J’onn turned back to Alex. “You’re taking point on this one, Alex,” he said. “I’ll be watching from here, but you’re in command out in the field.”

 

Alex nodded. She turned to the team, which was beginning to assemble behind them. “Okay, this is a reconnaissance mission, In and out. Do not engage unless I give the orders. Understood?”

 

Everyone, including Kara, nodded.

 

“Here’s the plan…”

 

 

********************

 

 

The mission, such as it was, was simple. Get in, get out, get some information, and hopefully get ahead of Cadmus for once.

 

The reality, was anything but.

 

It was a small team for a covert, tactical mission. Alex was in lead with Supergirl, Vasquez, and six other agents under her command. Winn was running support back at the DEO, feeding information into their comms as he and J’onn watched things play out on the screens.

 

In hindsight, things started to go wrong the moment they arrived and found the warehouse abandoned—not like, defunct shipping warehouse abandoned or former Cadmus base abandoned, but just absolutely desolate.

 

There wasn’t a soul—human, animal, or otherwise—in sight for miles-- and they weren't exactly out in the middle of the desert. 

 

Kara and Alex shared a glance.

 

Alex silently pointed up and motioned for the others to wait. Kara nodded, taking to the sky to get a better vantage to x-ray the whole building. It was just one solid dark mass. She moved to try to find a better angle that would give a clear shot, but no matter where she looked, it was all dark. She couldn’t make out anything, an impenetrable screen of lead blocking out her vision.

 

Kara landed with a calculated thunk next to Alex and shook her head. Alex frowned. “Nothing?” she asked.

 

“They must’ve used some kind of lead paint,” said Kara. They both knew it could only mean one thing.

 

Cadmus had been expecting them.

 

And Cadmus had definitely been expecting them, because no sooner had Kara mentioned the lead paint then a piercing shriek ripped through the air, foundering Supergirl where she stood.

 

Kara clamped her hands over her ears, gritting her teeth against the pain. It was Vartox all over again, the high-pitched frequency stabbing like needles against her eardrums.

 

“Kara!”

 

She wasn’t sure who was shouting, though she suspected it was everyone. The screeching was still pounding inside her head and drowning out all other details.

 

Someone was grabbing her by the shoulders and she knew it was Alex, even though she didn’t really have any way to tell.

 

 _“Painful, isn’t it? If it’s any consolation, it won’t affect the humans. It’s your Kryptonian hearing that makes you so,_ very _susceptible.”_

 

Kara’s eyes snapped open at the voice, clear and sharp over the same frequency. Alex was watching her in alarm.

 

Kara gritted her teeth against the pain, and stood. “Lillian Luthor,” she spit out.

 

Alex's eyes widened, and she seemed to suddenly understand what was happening. She started speaking rapidly, handing out orders to the other agents who were now on high alert. Kara couldn't make out any of it. 

 

 _“See, I knew you were clever,”_ said Lillian.

 

“What do you want?” Kara asked, still gritting the words out against the pain.

 

 _“Only to have a little chat,”_ said Lillian. _“You left so abruptly after saving my daughter—how is she by the way? Little Lena. It seems you two have developed quite the bond…”_

 

“Don’t talk about her!” Kara shouted over the screeching in her ears before she could decide if that was really a good idea or not. Probably not, but it was too late to take it back now. Alex was gripping her side, helping support her weight, and winced at Kara’s seemingly sudden outburst.

 

 _“Your cousin and my son were once close too,”_ she said. _“I’m surprised you would so readily follow in his footsteps, knowing how that ended.”_

 

Lillian was trying to unnerve her, to sow seeds of doubt.

 

Kara was still staggered by the noise, but she was beginning to grow more accustomed to the frequency-- enough to push past it anyway. Though still jarringly painful, she was starting to be able to make out other noises underneath it. Beside her, Alex was speaking quickly into her comm, telling Winn to “find the source of the damn frequency and to shut it off now, _damnit_.”

 

 _“Or maybe you and my daughter have a different sort of relationship…Lena did always have a soft spot for pretty women,”_ said Lillian. _“At least you can make yourself useful as a guard dog..._

 

Kara felt a sliver of dread at Lillian's words. How did she know so much about her and Lena? _What_ did she know about her and Lena? 

 

_"...but then, from what I’ve heard…the feelings are mutual—”_

 

The frequency cut off abruptly, and Kara sighed in relief.

 

She felt jarred by Lillian’s jabs—more so than she should’ve—and she knew she needed to push it down, get a handle on it until they got through this mission. And she could do that. She was good at that-- compartmentalizing, pretending she was in control even when she wasn't. And she certainly needed that now. 

 

Clearly, it wasn’t going to be the simply _get in, get out_ mission they had planned.

 

“Thanks, Winn,” Kara whispered as the ringing in her ears subsided and the world seemed to come back into balance. 

 

“No prob, Bob!” Winn replied over the comms. Kara couldn’t hold back a smile at that, but then Alex was grabbing her, turning her head every which way, checking her ears for blood.

 

“Are you alright?” Alex was asking frantically. Kara nodded before she could even finish.

 

The agents were all looking at her in concern. Most of them had been on missions with her before, so they were probably less surprised than most to find Supergirl a little shaken, but that didn’t make it any better to have to watch a teammate in distress.

 

“I’m fine, I’m—”

 

The voice spoke again, and for a moment Kara prepared for the searing pain before she realized that everyone else was hearing it, too. All of the agents were looking around in confusion as the disembodied voice of Lillian Luthor echoed through the abandoned parking lot around them. Most had drawn their sidearms and were searching for some target at which to point them.

 

 _“I guess some Luthors are just more important to you than others,”_ said Lillian, her voice reverberating loud and clear among the team of agents, but still clearly directed at Kara. 

 

Alex shot her a concerned look. The sudden drop into the conversation was surely jarring and confusing for everyone but Kara and Lillian, but Kara was too focused on the voice, on her anger, to really consider anyone else's reaction to it.  

 

Kara’s fingers curled into fists at her sides. She got the feeling that the woman was just taunting her now, though for what purpose, she couldn’t discern.

 

Then the voice spoke again, and the bottom dropped out. 

 

Alex's heart skipped one long, painful beat, and one of the agents dropped their gun. 

 

Kara stopped breathing. 

 

_"Isn’t that right…Kara Danvers?”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends, back with a new update! Yeah so... the ending kind of got away from me with this one, and it definitely turned into more of a monster than expected, but here it is. Also, the chapter title is a reference to something (the first of, I think, five chapter title references in all)… Bonus points to anyone who catches it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the start of the action and all the sister feels. I’m traveling a bit over the next week or so, so the next update may take a little longer. Hate to leave y'all on that cliffhanger, but also sort of not... In the meantime, you can come yell at me about Supergirl or this fic or any other fandom stuff on my tumblr if you feel like it: fangirlish.tumblr.com 
> 
> Leave me a review and let me know what you think so far and if you have any guesses about what’s about to go down with Cadmus! I always love to hear y’all’s thoughts, and the comments definitely keep me motivated! :)


	4. World Turned Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mission with the DEO sends Kara spiraling. 
> 
> (AKA we interrupt the introspection for--what is this? a bit of plot? Also, more angst and introspection.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was seriously overwhelmed by the response after the last update. You all had me smiling and tearing up at how sweet and thoughtful the comments were! I’m thrilled so many of you are enjoying this so much and noticing so many of the little details. Okay, I won't go on anymore. Here’s the chapter. Y’all are the best, the end. Enjoy! 
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: brief depiction of a panic attack at the end of this chapter. If you want to skip it, just stop reading after Kara leaves J'onn's office to be safe.

 

 

Of course Lillian knew. Of course she did.

 

It made sense if Kara was being reasonable—Lillian knew the same way Lena probably did, from Lex’s research—but Kara wasn’t being reasonable.

 

Kara felt like her world had just bottomed out in a series of taunts and revelations.

 

Kara was far, far beyond being reasonable.

 

Lillian Luthor knew. And apparently, _apparently_ , she knew other things too, things that Kara wasn’t even sure _she_ knew.

 

Like how Lena felt about Kara.

 

Like how Kara felt about Lena… _however_ she felt.

 

(And Kara’s heart had stopped at that, more than Lillian saying her name, more than the sharp, screeching noise piercing through her brain. Lillian knew how much Lena meant to her—as Supergirl _and_ Kara Danvers—and that meant she could use her against her.

 

She tried not to consider the fact that Lillian knowing her secret identity meant Cadmus could come after any of the people she loved. Alex. Eliza. J'onn. James. Lucy. Winn. Cat. M’gann. Lois. Clark. Everyone, _everyone_ who knew her was in danger. Everyone was a potential target.)

 

Kara tried to push it all down, to come back to the present where Lillian Luthor was busy threatening her, and Alex was talking, giving rapid-fire orders and yelling at Winn through her com.

 

“No, we’re backing out,” she was saying, agitated and clearly unnerved by Lillian’s prescience. “They knew we were coming. We’ve lost the advantage, and now we have no idea what we’re up against.” She glanced at Kara, almost too quickly for human eyes to catch. “She’s trying to goad Supergirl into something.”

 

Kara felt frozen, like time was moving through tar, slow and thick.

 

Then she heard something, and everything snapped back into terrible focus.

 

A heartbeat. Kara frowned, concentrating harder on the distant noise. Alex was starting to gather everyone, giving orders to move out, but Kara pressed forward.

 

The heartbeat was coming from the warehouse, sounding fast and _off_ to Kara’s ears. Kara’s own heartbeat picked up in response, because she recognized that heartbeat and the voice that went along with it, a voice that was now saying, “ _No. No, please,_ ” high and scared and breathless.

 

_Lena._

 

Lillian’s words _, “Maybe some Luthors mean more to you than others,”_ seared across Kara’s brain.

 

Lena was here. Lillian was using her daughter as bait. As a _distraction_.

 

For what purpose and to what end, Kara didn’t really care. Lena was here, and she was in danger. She was _scared_. The rest of it didn’t matter.

 

Kara turned to Alex, eyes frantic. “Alex,” she said, and her sister turned at the obvious tension in her voice. “It’s Lena. She’s in there.”

 

“Lena?” Alex said, clearly confused. “Lena Luthor?”

 

Kara nodded quickly. “I have to go in there.”

 

There wasn't any way Kara was about to leave Lena in the clutches of her mother. 

 

Alex was shaking her head before Kara even finished speaking. “No, Kara. No. That’s exactly what Lillian wants,” she said. “We need to get reinforcements, figure out what’s going on here, and _then_ we go in. Lillian’s not going to hurt Lena—she’ll be _fine_ , but you won’t.”

 

But Kara wasn’t prepared to listen. Alex didn’t know Lillian like she did, had never seen firsthand the lengths she would go to to get what she wanted. Alex couldn’t hear the frantic stutter of Lena’s heart that spelled _fear_.

 

Kara wasn’t about to sit idly by and let anything happen to someone else she loved while the DEO decided the safest way to confront Lillian Luthor. She was going in, one way or another.

 

Kara squinted toward the building, making one last ditch attempt to use her x-ray vision (even knowing it wouldn’t work) before flying in. Alex had other plans, though.

 

“Supergirl! Stand down!” Alex’s voice was sharp, and the intention was clear—to remind her that she was on a mission, that Alex was her superior officer. To remind her that she was just Kara right now, but Supergirl. 

 

But Kara didn’t really work for the DEO. And right now she didn’t care what her orders were or who they were coming from. Lena was in danger. Nothing else mattered.

 

And she would probably regret it later--ignoring Alex--but right now, right now, the only thing she could think about was the frantic stutter of Lena's heart beating too fast in her ears.  

 

Kara rushed in. She didn’t think, she just flew, going so fast that she was gone before Alex could give any more orders.

 

She burst through the ceiling of the warehouse, deciding the time for subtlety was over now that Cadmus knew they were here.

 

If Lillian Luthor wanted to goad her into a fight, then Kara was more than happy to give her one.

 

Kara landed hard, not bothering to soften her landing and fracturing the concrete floor beneath her feet. Chunks of pulverized concrete and insulation rained down around her from the ceiling. She turned, preparing to rescue Lena, preparing for a fight, but…

 

The room was empty.

 

She turned several times in the warehouse, double checking with her x-ray vision (which was still annoyingly blocked), but there was nothing. The room was entirely empty.

 

“She isn’t here…” Kara said, muttering to herself. It was almost a question. She felt her thoughts turn sticky and slow again. Things that she should’ve been connecting—obvious things, she felt certain—weren’t coming together. Maybe Alex had been right. Maybe running on almost nightmares and almost no sleep was starting to catch up to her. She shook her head, trying to clear it and refocus on the issue at hand. Namely, the problem of the empty warehouse. 

 

She walked forward, knowing the conclusion should be obvious, wishing the adrenaline coursing like fire through her veins would just give her mind enough of a kick to put the pieces together.

 

Because the warehouse was empty, and Lena wasn’t there.

 

Her heart jumped in her chest. A sickly, trapped feeling spread down through her limbs. No one was there. No one was there, which meant Alex had been right. This was a trap.

 

The heartbeat was still loud and present, though, and when Kara walked further into the room she realized why it had sounded so off, so tinny to her ears. It was a recording. The speakers sat on a table in the center of the room.

 

Kara cursed fluently under her breath in Kryptonese. She turned away from the table and put a finger up to her ear to activate her com.

 

“Alex,” she said, already preparing for the verbal lashing she was sure to get from her sister.

 

_“Supergirl! Are you alright? What’s going on in there?”_

 

“You were right,” Kara said. She took a deep breath. “Lena isn’t here.”

 

 “Oh, about that…I lied.”

 

Kara froze, then clenched her jaw. “Lillian Luthor,” she said, and she hadn’t known a name could be said with such hate, hadn't felt this level of anger and loathing since Max Lord.

 

“In the flesh.” Kara looked up and there she was. Lillian Luthor, smug and self-assured, standing across the dimly lit warehouse.

 

Kara switched off her com, but not before hearing Alex shouting at her, asking what was happening. She had a feeling her sister would be finding some way into the warehouse sooner rather than later, but first she intended to find out what exactly Lillian’s game was. She had taken pains to lure Kara into this warehouse; there had to be some reason for it. 

 

“I knew you’d come,” said Lillian. She sounded so _sure_ , so _pleased_ with herself. “Ask me how I knew?”

 

Kara really didn't want to, but anything to buy some time, right? 

 

“How?” Kara ground out, glaring over at the other woman.  

 

“Because you’re naïve,” she said. “And so, so predictable.”

 

Kara clenched her jaw and fisted her hands. She knew Lillian was trying to get a rise out of her, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t working. Kara took a step toward her, but Lillian raised a finger in warning.

 

“Ah ah ah,” she said, shaking her finger. “Lena may not be here, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t very real danger.”

 

“Yeah? Care to enlighten me, then?”

 

“Not just yet, Supergirl.”

 

“Fine,” said Kara, already annoyed with Lillian’s games. “Then maybe you’d like to tell me what exactly we’re doing here?”

 

“Enjoying the prelude to your downfall,” Lillian said, and then laughed a little like she’d told an excellent joke. “Having a friendly chat. Take your pick.”

 

Kara didn’t like Lillian’s tone. She was always smug and self-assured, sure, but something about being trapped in a warehouse with her when Lillian had just revealed exactly how many of the cards she held, made Kara uneasy. Especially since she had an uneasy suspicion that Lillian--even having admitted she knew Kara's secret identity--hadn't revealed her trump card yet. 

 

Kara was more than a little aware of just how precarious her current situation was. Which meant that as much as Kara wanted to just punch Lillian right in her smug face, she needed to get some more answers before she did anything rash. 

 

“Anyway, the better question is what are _you_ doing here,” said Lillian, standing still and serene across from her. “It sounded like you had strict orders not to engage… Does the Girl of Steel have a rebellious streak? Or is it something else… sibling rivalry maybe?"

 

Kara narrowed her eyes. She knew that Lillian knowing who she was meant she also knew about all the other people in Kara's life, but, still, somehow hearing her talk so casually about Alex, their relationship, felt supremely wrong to Kara. It raised the hairs on the back of her neck. 

 

"Agent Danvers did sound a little arrogant. Maybe it runs in the family. It certainly would be a shame if she ended up like her father…”

 

Kara wasn’t sure if she meant dead or kidnapped by Cadmus, but either way the threat was clear.

 

All thoughts of playing it cool, of restraining her temper, vanished at Lillian’s words. Kara rushed forward in a burst of superspeed, slowing just before the other woman to rear back into what would surely be a supremely painful right hook.

 

But instead of landing a blow that should’ve put Lillian on her back, Kara’s arm passed right through her. The momentum of her movement propelled Kara forward and through the wall behind her. Breathing heavily and dusting off concrete dust, Kara rose from the wreckage to face Lillian again.

 

Except, of course, it wasn’t really Lillian. It was a hologram.

 

Kara could’ve kicked herself for not noticing sooner.

 

(And sure she could blame it on the shadows or the almost lifelike quality, but there wasn’t a heartbeat, wasn’t any body heat, and really Kara had no excuse.)

 

 “Remarkable technology,” said the hologram, looking down to examine the now slightly flickering lines of her arms and hands. Then she brought her focus back up to Kara. “Borrowed from your home world and adapted. It would seem not everything from your planet is entirely useless.”

 

Kara ground her teeth. It was a cheap jab that stung exactly as Lillian had meant it to, but Kara wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. She stepped out of the rubble and squared off against the other woman--the hologram--even though she knew now that fighting would be useless. She could just fry the hologram, sure, but aside from shutting her up, it wouldn't' do much good. It wouldn't get Kara any answers. 

 

“What do you want, Lillian?” she asked. 

 

“To see the end of you and all others like you,” she said calmly. “But for now? I think I’ll settle for just a warning: leave this planet. Do that, and I might choose to let you and those you love live.”

 

That threat tugged painfully at Kara’s deepest fear, that the people she loved might be used against her—hurt, _killed_ —just to punish her or try to keep her in line. And now that Lillian knew who she was, knew everyone she cared about, it would be all too easy for her to do just that. For her to come after Alex, like she'd threatened, or Lena, like Kara had thought. 

 

Kara had been trying to play it smart. She knew the best and surest way to get Lillian to reveal more than she meant was to play along, to rise to her bait. Get her monologuing. It was the classic villain downfall, after all.

 

Unfortunately, Lillian Luthor wasn’t exactly a classic villain—not in the sense of falling prey to classic mistakes, anyway. And unfortunately, Kara was finding the bait a little too tempting.

 

“Whatever you're planning, you won’t get away with it,” Kara said, all the power and assurance of Supergirl behind her voice. “I’ll find you, and this time I’ll make sure you’re put in a prison you can _never_ escape from.”

 

The hologram’s projected voice crackled with Lillian’s laughter. “There she is! The alien with such little regard for human laws.” Her smile turned sickly sweet. “If only my daughter could see you now.”

 

“I don’t think I’m the one she’d be disappointed in.”

 

Lillian laughed. “You might be right,” she said. “But do you really think she could ever truly trust you, _an alien_? Make no mistake, _Supergirl_ ,” she said, and her name slid off of Lillian’s lips like a slur, “she may wish to distance herself from her family, but she is still _every bit_ a Luthor.”

 

Kara wouldn't let herself believe that was true. She had a lot of fears about Lena knowing who she was ( _already knowing, maybe_ ), but Kara refused to believe that her family's xenophobia was one of them. Lena might be a Luthor, but she was nothing like her family. 

 

(And if there was still a seedling of worry, of discontent there, then Kara knew it had more to do with her, with her own fears, her own anxiety about rejections, than with Lena. And deep, deep down--so far repressed that Kara was barely even aware she knew this herself--she felt she was more likely to lose Lena by pushing her away than by telling her the truth.)

 

A satisfied smile spread across the hologram's face. Perhaps she picked up on Kara's discontent and construed it as victory, as having sowed the first seed of doubt to destroy Kara's relationship with her daughter. Or maybe it was something else, because not a moment later, a low, deep noise echoed through the warehouse. 

 

It was quiet at first, but it grew, spreading until it reverberated throughout the room. A rumble was spreading through the warehouse. It shook the walls and brought Kara to her knees.

 

Kara pressed off from her hands and knees to hover several feet over the ground, looking down at the hologram of Lillian as the warehouse continued to shake violently around her. “What is that?” Kara shouted over the roar.

 

The hologram of Lillian was looking up toward the ceiling. “The prelude,” she said.

 

The rumbling increased as a curtain of particles and crumbling rock was shaken down from the ceiling. A gray-green haze of dust filled the room, obscuring everything. Then the room exploded in a flash of blinding light, rocking the building down to the foundation and shooting up a fountain of pulverized rock from every direction. The force of it threw Kara out of the air. She landed hard in a human-sized indentation in the concrete floor. 

 

Kara coughed through the dust, waving a hand in front of her face to clear the air and praying to Rao that wherever Alex was it wasn’t in the warehouse or, at least, not close to the blast.

 

 “Ah, yes, maybe I should’ve mentioned that,” said Lillian, like she’d forgotten to set an alarm clock instead of having failed to mention there was a bomb set to explode in her warehouse.

 

Kara glanced around, eyes straining to make things out through the haze. The explosion had been effective, but not too powerful, she decided. A hazy sheen of dust still hung in the air, and it had been strong enough to leave an annoying ringing in Kara’s ears and to destroy the nearby walls, but otherwise the building remained mostly intact.

 

How long that would remain the case, though, was yet to be seen.

 

“Perhaps now’s the time to tell you that was just a little taste of what’s to come,” said the hologram of Lillian with a satisfied smirk. “The real show will be starting in, oh…” she looked over toward the wall where, suddenly, a projected countdown began ticking down from 2:00, “two minutes. It seems your presence here may've set off a little fail safe.

 

"Remember my warning, Supergirl. It's not too late--yet." 

 

With that, the hologram vanished, leaving Kara alone in the warehouse with the numbers counting down to a literal ticking time bomb.

 

She turned on her com, preparing to let Alex know she was okay and about to find a way out, but Alex was already running toward her through the haze before Kara even started to speak.

 

“Kara!” she shouted, eyes frantic. “Are you okay? What happened?”

 

Kara coughed, the dust in the air filling her nose and mouth, itching at her lungs. Alex grabbed her by the arms. “We have to get out of here,” Kara told her, voice harsh and scratchy. “There’s another bomb, or...a self-destruct sequence. I don't know, but we need to get out of here. Now.”

 

“You can’t disarm it?” Alex asked. Kara shook her head. 

 

 _“Yeah, just use your laser vision or something,”_ Winn chimed in from over the coms. It sounded like he was eating something, possibly potato chips. They could hear a muffled smack in the background that was presumably J’onn cuffing him.

 

“Yeah, and set it off faster? No thanks,” Kara said, while Alex rolled her eyes. "Besides, I don't even know where, or what, it is exactly." 

 

Alex helped pull Kara to her feet. “Come on,” she said.

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Kara said, waving Alex off as her sister tried to support her.

 

Alex kept a firm grip on her elbow nevertheless. “You just got blown up,” Alex said. “I hardly think that constitutes as _fine_.”

 

“I didn’t get blown up,” Kara insisted, but then had to pause to bend over in a fit of coughing. “Okay, I maybe got a little blown up,” she said when she was finally able to straighten and continue on.

 

Alex muttered murderously to herself.

 

“Less talking, more escaping,” J’onn said tersely over the open com channel.

 

The bomb went off just as they cleared the doors, the building going up in a wave of heat and fury. Kara used a burst of superspeed to get some distance from the fallout. She gripped her cape and threw her arm around Alex, shielding her sister from the blast. She could feel the heat licking at her neck, and Kara didn’t lower her cape until the last of the heatwaves and debris settled.

 

Finally, they both turned to survey the damage.

 

“Shit,” Alex muttered under her breath, and Kara understood, because everything they might’ve gained, everything they might’ve learned from this Cadmus base had just gone up in flames. Literally. 

 

And Kara couldn’t help but feel that that was mostly her fault.

 

The building was just a pile of rubble, smoldering and still burning slightly in the glow of the afternoon sun. In just a few minutes, there would be nothing left but concrete and ash. The rest was quickly burning, and whatever intel they might’ve hoped to gain would be lost with it.

 

She swallowed hard and turned back to face Alex. “Where’s everyone else?”

 

“I ordered them back to base,” she said flatly.

 

Kara nodded, jaw clenched. She was glad no one else had been there for the explosion. She wasn’t sure what she would’ve done if anyone had been hurt because of her recklessness.

 

She turned to Alex, about to say… well…something. She wasn’t really sure what, except that she knew something needed to be said, some explanation or justification or apology to head off the explosion she knew was sure to be brewing in her sister.

 

Kara opened her mouth to speak—

 

“Agent Danvers, Supergirl.” J’onn’s voice over the coms again. “Are you both alright?"

 

Alex side-eyed Kara, her hands firmly planted on her hips. She took a deep breath. "We're fine," she said finally.

 

"Good. Then I'll ask you to report back to the DEO as soon as possible.”

 

“Yes, sir,” said Alex.

 

Before Kara could even think of trying to say anything else to either of them, Alex rounded on her. “Are you good to fly?” she asked. It was so flat, it wasn’t exactly a question. She was checking Kara over, but wasn’t really looking at her, and Kara could tell from the set lines of her face that Alex was holding back a fury.

 

Alex’s wrath and the fallout from it were going to be sharp and painful. Kara had experienced it enough in the past to be sure of that. She just hoped it would be quick. 

 

Kara nodded and gripped her around the waist. She considered telling Alex to hold on, but knew her sister didn’t need the reminder or warning.

 

She bent her knees, pressed down into the earth and leapt.

 

 

********************

 

 

The flight was short and silent. Kara could feel the anger radiating off of Alex in waves, crashing and receding over her. As soon as she landed at the DEO, Alex was marching her up to J’onn.

 

Now that she knew Kara was safe, now that they were away from Lillian and the Cadmus base and all the explosions, Alex's concern and professionalism vanished. The thin veil of angry silence was pulled back, and all that was left behind it was her fury. 

 

 “Bench her,” she said, all anger and hard words. “If she can’t follow orders, she can’t be out in the field.”

 

Kara knew it was the fear driving Alex, the same way it had driven her into the Cadmus warehouse without backup, but it didn’t do much to dull the sting.

 

Alex knew, _she had to know_ , that Kara couldn’t be benched. Not now, not when Lillian knew and Cadmus could go after all the people she loved.

 

But Alex was scared the way Kara was scared, but where Kara was afraid for everyone else, Alex was scared only for her, for her little sister who flew blindly into danger, whose best protection—her secret identity—had been compromised in the worst way.

 

“Alex—” J’onn said, eyebrows raised and informal because it was just the three of them here, where he could be both commanding officer and family.

 

But Alex was in no state for comforting, was inured to Kara’s wounded expression and J’onn’s gentle placating, and said again, “ _Bench her_.”

 

“Alex, I—” Kara started to defend herself, but Alex held up a finger to stop her, and it—paired with Alex’s stony expression—was more than enough to silence her, at least for the moment.

 

“She went against direct orders,” Alex told J’onn, her jaw flexing. “I ordered her to stand down, and she flew in anyway, endangering herself, compromising our entire mission, and causing the destruction of our _best_ lead on Cadmus.”

 

Alex’s words came hard and fast, oversimplifying everything down to hard facts and variables. “That’s not fair, Alex,” she said. “You know she had—”

 

“What I _know_ is that you disobeyed direct orders, Supergirl,” snapped Alex. “And if you were any other agent…”

 

“I don’t work for you, Alex, or the DEO!” Kara shouted, her voice harsh and ragged. Her breath was coming fast and uneven to match Alex’s.

 

“You’re right,” Alex said, rounding on her, eyes flashing. “Because if you did you would never even _think_ about questioning a superior officer’s orders. And you would _never_ endanger your teammates that way. You would have at least an _ounce_ of discipline.”

 

Other agents had started to filter in, waiting for debrief after the op, and were staring openly at the hardened lines of Agent Danvers’ face, the clenched fists pressed against Supergirl’s thighs, the palpable tension between all three of them. 

 

They would have to choose their words more carefully now.

 

“Alex, go cool down,” J’onn ordered. “Go down to the training room and work off some steam.” Alex let out an angry huff, but didn’t question him. She marched off without a backward glance at Kara, and J’onn turned his attention back to Kara. “Supergirl, with me,” he said.

 

Kara sighed, but followed J’onn past the gawking agents and down the series of halls to his office. She counted back from one hundred, trying to return her breathing to a normal pace and banish the sting of the botched mission compounded with Alex’s scathing comments. It wasn’t really working.

 

J’onn pushed open the door to his small, gray and largely undecorated office. He sat behind the desk and gestured for her to sit across from him. Kara was still too amped, though. The mission, the fight with Alex, and Lillian Luthor’s words were still ringing in her ears.

 

_Leave this planet, and I might let you and the people you love live._

 

The memory, the words, the threat, they all settled heavy on her mind, warping and twisting and growing larger. It kept the adrenaline coursing thick and fast through her veins. 

 

She stayed standing.

 

J’onn sighed. He tapped at a spot on his desk, then said, “Your sister’s right, Kara.”

 

It took a moment for Kara to process the words. She blinked.

 

“What?” said Kara. She’d been expecting a lot of things, and being reprimanded thoroughly was definitely among them, but the one thing she hadn’t expected was for J’onn to look at her sadly— _knowingly_ —and tell her that Alex was right.

 

He continued. “I think you need a break.”

 

Kara spluttered at that. She swept her cape out of the way to sit and then almost immediately stood again, shaking her head and trying to verbalize something coherent in response. “What—you can’t be—J’onn,” she sighed, took a deep breath, tried again. “You’re benching me?”

 

“This isn’t a punishment, Kara,” he told her gently. “Think of it as a vacation—you, more than anyone, deserve a break.”

 

Kara shook her head. She had wanted this just a few hours earlier, exhausted and still stinging from Snapper’s barbs. She had wanted this, but now if felt like a punishment. Like they didn’t trust her to face Lillian. Like she wasn’t good enough.

 

She paced back and forth across the small length of his office. The excess energy buzzed underneath her skin, making her hands shake slightly. J’onn tracked her progress calmly from his desk.

 

“I can’t just stop being Supergirl while Lillian Luthor is still out there,” Kara argued. He had to understand that. She _needed_ to be Supergirl, now more than ever, with the threat of Lillian Luthor hanging large and ever-present over them. 

 

He shook his head. “I’m not asking you to stop being Supergirl. Just let us handle things for a few days.”

 

Kara clenched her jaw and looked away. “And if I go out as Supergirl on my own?” asked Kara. “Are you going to try to stop me?”

 

It was a bit of a challenge, to phrase it that way, and Kara knew it. The implication that they could _try_ , but they would fail sat heavily between them as Kara stared him down.

 

It wouldn’t be a fair position to put him in, to make him choose between duty and family, but then Kara wasn’t feeling all that fair at the moment. She never had really gotten to have the fight with Lillian she had been gunning for, and the leftover adrenaline had nowhere to go. She was angry and amped and frustrated (and confused and scared, too, though she was less ready to admit it). She was feeling a lot of things, but fair wasn’t among them.

 

She also wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know his answer. Duty was important to J’onn, and even though Kara knew family was too—and that he considered her a part of his—she still didn’t exactly want to find out she might have pushed too far, might have finally stepped outside the bounds of his patience.

 

(And Kara didn’t think she could lose J’onn. They didn’t talk about it often, but J’onn was one of the only people in the universe who came close to understanding the depths of Kara’s sadness, her loss. Their friendship had been hard won, but now she relied on his support, his steadiness, his calm and unspoken understanding. She didn’t know what she would do without him, and she didn’t want to think what he might do without her—she still remembered the dull hope in his eyes when he had prepared to kill that White Martian, when he spoke of being reunited with his family.)

 

“No,” J’onn said softly. “But I hope you won’t anyway.”

 

Kara sighed. She shook her head. “J’onn, I can’t—I can’t just sit back and do nothing.”

 

“No, but you also can’t put yourself in unnecessary danger,” he said. “You need to trust us—trust me, trust Winn, trust Alex. We’re here, too. Let us help you.”

 

Kara chewed her lip and shook her head slowly, not so much in denial as in hesitation. She didn’t want to put her friend and family at risk— _at any more risk_ —now that Lillian knew.

 

“We’re all in danger every day, Kara. Lillian knowing your secret doesn’t make that any more true,” he said, “But it might mean you’re in more danger, and until we know exactly what her plans are, I’ll feel better knowing you’re not putting yourself at unnecessary risk.”

 

“I thought you couldn’t read _my_ mind,” Kara said wryly, making a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.

 

He smiled and gave her an amused wink. “Not telepathically, at least,” said J’onn. “But speaking of minds and reading them… go easy on Alex.”

 

Kara looked away, wrinkling her nose to stave off the stinging feeling behind her eyes. She didn’t particularly want to think about Alex or the hurt and anger (and fear) in her eyes at the moment. It was easier to pretend she was angry herself than admit that she was only hurt.

 

(It was easier to pretend she was angry at Alex than to admit she was angry at herself.)

 

 “She’s just worried about you,” he told her gently.

 

Kara bit her cheek, hard enough to draw blood, trying to hold back the pressure she could still feel building, determined not to cry.

 

J’onn was watching her with concerned eyes, his expression a little too knowing, and Kara was grateful—not for the first time—that she was immune to his telepathic abilities.

 

“Can I go now?” Kara asked.

 

“You’re excused,” he said. “But I’d appreciate it if you let medical check you over before you leave.”

 

“I’m not—”

 

“I know you’re fine,” J’onn said before she could even finish protesting. “But you were in the middle of an explosion on a Cadmus base, and I’ll feel better if you get the all-clear from medical.”

 

He stood and crossed the room to put a hand on her shoulder. “Just because you’re tough, doesn’t mean I worry about you any less.”

 

Kara smiled and nodded, exiting the room hastily before J’onn could say anything else.

 

There was a pressure building behind her eyes, under her ribs. She raised a hand to her chest rubbing against it. She tried for a deep breath, but it wouldn’t quite come.

 

Winn caught up with her on the way to medical.

 

“Everything okay?” he asked, jogging to keep up with her steady pace. “I saw Alex, and she seemed _pissseed_ …”

 

Kara shot him a hard glance, and he raised his hands in surrender, knowing when to leave well enough alone when it came to the Danvers sisters. “ _Okay._ ”

 

“Did you need something, Winn?” Kara asked flatly.

 

“I just wanted to check on you after everything.”

 

Kara sighed, immediately feeling awful for taking out her frustration on Winn. “I’m sorry, Winn, I’m just…” she trailed off, unsure what excuse to give this time—tired? frustrated? scared? exhausted? She settled on nothing, but Winn seemed to get the gist nonetheless.

 

“No worries,” he told her, voice light and easy. “We are totally cooleo. You heading to get checked in medical?” Kara nodded. “Cool, I’ll go with you.”

 

Kara wasn't sure if he was going because there was something he actually needed to get from medical, or if he just knew her well enough to know she'd feel better in the med bay if she wasn't alone. She suspected it was the latter, and she felt a sudden surge of affection for Winn--goofy and loveable and _considerate_ as always--that had her bumping his shoulder gently and smiling over at him. 

 

He winked at her and whispered, "I got you, Supergirl."

 

J’onn had apparently called up to medical, because someone was waiting to meet her as soon as they arrived. She flexed her hands. She was fine, honestly,--nothing a little rest wouldn't fix--and she really, really didn't want to be here. 

 

It was one of the new doctors—Romero or Ruiz or something—she should’ve remembered, but the name wouldn’t quite come to her. It felt a little like her thoughts were moving by so fast that they were skipping across the surface of her mind with nothing more than ripples left in their wake.

 

She pressed the flat of her palm against her thigh and tried to take a couple of deep breaths, despite feeling like the room was suddenly too small and too crowded.

 

“Hey, Dr. Ramirez,” said Winn.

 

“Mr. Schott.”

 

Ramirez. That was it.

 

Kara gave Dr. Ramirez a tight smile. She had never been particularly fond of any doctors besides Alex and the Danvers—in fact that would be the understatement of the century. Really, it was fortunate Kara was essentially indestructible on this planet, because short of being stabbed with kryptonite she solidly refused medical assistance at every possible opportunity. 

 

(And Kara always blamed it on Alex for showing her _E.T._ shortly after she came to live with the Danvers, but truly it probably had more to do with just how strange and foreign and confusing Earth medicine was to her. Of course, the fact that she was an alien and couldn't trust most doctors outside of the DEO, anyway, probably didn't help matters either.)

 

Dr. Ramirez held out a hand. "Supergirl. Nice to finally meet you." She nodded and took a seat when he gestured toward one of the tables.

 

He set about hooking her up to a series of monitors and checking her eyesight and reflexes. She passed all the tests as Winn babbled good naturedly beside her. She drowned out the details, just letting the pleasant tone of his voice create a comforting backdrop to the uncomfortable medical exam.

 

She really wished Alex were doing this instead. If Alex were even talking to her, that was.

 

Alex never would’ve drawn it out this long. She never would’ve talked about Kara’s “fascinating alien physiology” like she wasn’t even there. And she never, never would’ve pulled out a kryptonite syringe without warning her first.

 

(Because, okay, yeah the _E.T._ thing was sort of a joke just to mess with Alex, but the truth was, show a thirteen year old alien a movie about the government kidnapping and experimenting on exterrestrials that they don't even really understand is fiction at first... yeah, it's probably going to lead to some longer term fears.) 

 

Kara flinched violently as a syringe glowing a pale, earthy green came into view.

 

“Woah, easy there,” said Dr. Ramirez. “Just need to do a little blood work to finish off the exam.”

 

Kara eyed the needle uneasily. Logically, she knew it wasn’t enough kryptonite to make her feel sick, to do more than pierce her skin, but that didn’t stop the visceral reaction her body had to it. A wave of nausea rolled through her. The oxygen seemed to grow heavy around her. Her nose itched and her lungs ached.

 

She looked away as the doctor pressed the needle into her skin, tried to hold still as he drew her blood.

 

Her fingers tingled, though, and she couldn’t seem to find a steady rhythm to anything, her heart or her lungs—neither felt entirely under her control. Her heart was beating too fast, too loud in her ears and her breath wasn’t coming deeply, quickly enough.

 

Kara felt it, the oncoming panic. Knowing what it was, that it was a symptom, did nothing to dull the effects. In fact, if anything, it made it worse. Because she knew what was coming, knew the blinding fear and dread as the walls seemed to shrink around her, could see the oncoming terror as she lost control in the worst way.

 

She gasped quickly, loudly, and she saw Winn throw her a worried look.

 

The doctor stepped away, removing the needle and sealing the vial of her blood. Her heartbeat reverberated in her ears, too loud and too fast. It was a steadily increasing noise, pressing against her eardrums and making her feel even more closed in here, even more trapped. Her eyes darted around the small room, trying to find something to latch onto.

 

She needed to calm down, needed to at least pretend to calm down so no one would notice until she could get away.

 

_She needed to get away._

 

She forgot, in the haze that dulled her senses, that she was still connected to the machines until a new noise assaulted her: a rapid, incessant beeping.

 

Winn frowned, Kara frowned, the doctor frowned.

 

“Supergirl, are you alright? Your vitals are a little off…”

 

Shit. Kara ripped the monitors off her chest and arms. Too hard, too hard. The fragile wiring ripped apart in her hands _. Shit._ She tossed them aside. _Shit shit shit._

 

She stood up too quickly, and Dr. Ramirez took a step back, actually took a step back as if he was afraid of her. That stopped Kara for a moment, had her grasping against words for another reason. Finally, she managed, “I’m fine, just tired. I’m…gonna go get some rest.”

 

She turned sharply and walked out of the room, using every ounce of concentration she possessed to walk at a normal—if _fast_ —human pace. Just a little farther, just a little farther.

 

Kara could feel the eyes of the other agents on her as she moved out of the med bay and back onto the main level.

 

She didn’t stop, not for Winn’s calls, not for the other agents’ worried glances, not even for Alex, wide eyed and worried as she raced past her. Kara was single-minded in her pursuit of escape.

 

She ran up the stairs, onto the balcony, and leapt without a second thought.

 

She needed to fly, to get far, far away from here, from Alex’s shouting and J’onn’s understanding and Winn’s concern. She just needed to get away. Maybe then she would be able to breathe again.

 

She was still in her supersuit, still wearing her earpiece from the mission, and Winn’s voice was speaking to her through it.

 

“Kara, listen, it’s okay. Whatever’s wrong, it’s okay, just come back to the DEO and let us help you.”

 

He kept talking, saying other things, asking her to return, and it was all too much, the noise, the static behind his voice, the _concern_. It was too much so she ripped it out of her ear and hurled it toward the ground (which she knew was a bad idea even as she did it, because Rao that thing probably cost more than she made in a year at Catco, and she’d probably really sent them into a panic now, and there wasn’t going to be any easy way to brush this off and and and)

 

Her concentration slipped and she lost altitude fast, dropping fifty feet before she could stabilize, and she definitely should not have been flying in the midst of a panic attack, that much was painfully clear. 

 

But the only thing she could think was that it was all still too loud, that everything and everyone was still too close. She needed to get away. It was like an imperative deep in her chest, a desperation that she couldn’t fight even if she wanted to—and she didn’t want to.

 

So she flew, far and fast, until the lights of National City faded behind her. The wind whipped against her stinging cheeks (and they shouldn’t have _been_ stinging which was its own troubling thought), but she kept flying, higher and faster, until her breathing was labored, not just from the panic, but from the thinning air, until finally, finally, she found quiet.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRIEF RECAP IF YOU SKIPPED THE END: Kara begins to have a panic attack in medical and (literally) flies out of the DEO, throwing away her com and probably terrifying Winn in the process. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for waiting so patiently for this update, y'all. Life got in the way and then (and mostly) this chapter was just a doozy to write. I'm still not 100% sure about it, but I think / hope it at least accomplishes all that it needs to accomplish. 
> 
> And thank you so, so much again for all the amazing responses! Your comments and reviews have been so wonderful and have really helped to keep me going even when I felt like I'd never see the light with this chapter. A lot of y’all seem to have pretty high expectations for this fic (which is amazing!), but hopefully it’ll continue to live up. It's definitely got me trying hard to continue making this fic the best it can be for all of you lovely people!
> 
> Also, if you like my writing, I recently wrote a fix-it/post-credit fic for 2x19. It's got Sanvers, Alex&Maggie&Kara feels, and lots of introspection on trauma and healing. If that sounds like your jam, maybe check it out: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10840014
> 
> After this chapter, we’re done with the action interlude and moving back to the personal relationships and good old fashioned introspection / angst. On that note, next up on the superfriends chapter feature is a certain Martian bartender ;)
> 
> Leave me a review, and let me know what you think of this chapter! I always love to hear your thoughts!


	5. Floaty Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara makes some ill-advised choices. Fortunately, our favorite Martian bartender is there to make sure she doesn’t do anything too stupid—like drunk dial Lena Luthor.

Kara was somewhere over the Atlantic when she decided she had probably gone about this all wrong. She hovered over the cresting waves of the ocean, pressing the heel of her palms against her eyes until white starbursts sparked in front of her vision.

 

Why had she run off like that? Why had she thrown her com fifty stories down into the streets of National City? How was she supposed to explain _that_?

 

Rao, what was she going to say to Winn? And he’d probably already told J’onn and Alex what had happened. They were all going to be freaking out, trying to find her.

 

 _Oh jeez_. She’d really managed to make a mess of things.

 

She just needed to calm down, take a deep breath, get her head on straight. Process. Kara could do that.

 

Kara had royally screwed up with the mission, she could admit that. (Maybe. Sort of. At least to herself with a little bit of distance.) J’onn was probably right to bench her and Alex had probably— _probably_ —been right to be so mad. She had disobeyed direct orders.

 

Which, for a good cause, sure, but it wasn’t like either of them really understood that.

 

They hadn’t heard Lena’s heartbeat.

 

And, to be fair, neither had she, really.

 

She had rushed in, endangered herself, endangered her team, endangered _Alex_. And looking back, even though she knew she should’ve…she wasn’t really sure she would do anything differently.

 

Kara dropped enough to let her feet skim the surface of the waves. They crested and fell at dizzying heights out here, so far from land that it just looked like a vast landscape of blue, even to Kara’s enhanced eyes.

 

 _It was a trap_ —she was a little annoyed it was Winn’s voice, badly imitating Admiral Ackbar, that she heard in her head. The voice wasn’t wrong, though. It was a trap, and she had messed up.

 

…and possibly given Lillian even more ammunition to destroy her life…

 

Good. Great. Things just kept getting better and better.

 

Okay, problem solving, where to start?

  1. Talk to Winn, Alex, and J’onn. Not necessarily in that order.
  2. Deal with the Lillian issue.



 

She wasn’t sure which was scarier, honestly. No, that wasn’t entirely true. The Lillian issue might not be scarier, but it was far, far more dangerous in the long run.

 

Lillian Luthor could destroy her life. That was just a fact. She knew Kara Danvers was Supergirl, which meant she knew Kara Danvers was Alex Danvers’ sister, was Eliza’s daughter, was James and Winn’s friend, and on and on and on. Lillian could easily destroy her life. And yet…Kara hadn’t even considered, hadn’t stopped to parse consequences. The moment she’d feared Lena was in danger she had just rushed in.

 

_(Lena did always have a soft spot for pretty women)_

 

She’d been so scared, so scared that Lillian was going to hurt Lena. Lena, who was so good and so completely human. Lena who could take care of herself in the boardroom and go toe-to-toe with sexist pigs in the media, but who could be killed so easily, so quickly, in so many ways.

 

_(but from what I’ve heard the feelings are mutual)_

 

Of course Kara cared about Lena, that was obvious. She was Kara’s best friend. She _loved_ Lena…but that wasn’t what Lillian had been implying, was it?

 

Did…did Kara like Lena Luthor?

 

Did she _like_ Lena? Like, _like_ like her?

 

Rao, the thought. Even the thought had her heart stuttering and terrified shivers running down her spine. Was this attraction or terror? A crush or an anxiety attack?

 

Did Kara _like_ Lena?

 

Of course she liked her. Empirically. She enjoyed spending time with her, cared about her safety and happiness, wanted the best for her. She believed in Lena and protected her. She trusted her. Liked talking to her. Smiled when she smiled. Felt a warmth anytime Lena went out of her way to spend time with Kara. Loved how Lena left voicemails when Kara was overworked and too busy to spend time with her, how she knew Kara was endlessly hungry and always seemed to have snacks on hand that she would sneak to her even without prompting, how Lena always seemed to know when she was down.

 

Her heart beat faster when she was around Lena, and she had maybe considered how her lips would taste against her own on one or two occasions... But that was normal, right? Normal, typical, friendly thoughts. People normally had thoughts like that about their friends, right?

 

Normal, friendly thoughts about kissing their friends.

 

Oh Rao. _Oh Rao_.

 

She liked Lena. She _liked_ Lena.

 

She liked Lena like she had liked James. Oh Rao.

 

This was—she liked Lena. She liked Lena, and Lillian knew her secret, and she was benched from the DEO, and she was hovering somewhere over the Atlantic and—oh wow. She really needed to remember to breathe.

 

If the fact that Kara had had a panic attack and flown halfway across the world was any indication, she maybe wasn’t handling things quite as well as she had been pretending. Sleepless nights and creeping feelings of loneliness aside, if Kara wasn’t able to manage her emotions then she was a danger not just to herself but to everyone.

 

Maybe she needed to have another sparring session with a car like that one time with James. In the meantime, though, she needed to get a handle on this. She needed to quit freaking out. She needed to stop thinking about Lena and the possibility that she maybe, kind of, definitely, probably had feelings for her best friend, and whether she had feelings in return, and Oh Rao.

 

Okay, break it down. Where to start:

  1. Talk to Alex, J’onn, and Winn. Probably in that order.
  2. Deal with Lillian.
  3. Talk to Lena—maybe, soon, sometime. (Okay, she’d come back to that one.)
  4. Calm down.



 

Kara made up her mind. She would talk to J’onn, to Alex. She would tell them what was going on—or, some of it, at least.

 

But first, she needed to get her head on straight.

 

She let out a snort as she shot back up into the air, kicking up a trail of spray across the surface of the water.

 

( _Dammit, Kara, get it together. Now is not the time to be laughing about inadvertent straight jokes_.)

 

 

***

 

Kara didn’t go to the bar to drink.

 

Okay, that was a lie, but Kara didn’t go to the bar with the conscious intention of drinking, and that was the truth. It certainly wasn’t the real reason she choose to go there. Drinking was still a new concept to her, getting drunk an entirely new phenomenon—one that she didn’t hate necessarily, but didn’t usually seek out. Kara was pretty sure she would never love alcohol the way Alex loved alcohol, the way Lena did…

 

( _There might be some problems there, if she really considered it, but that was another problem for another day. Today had plenty of problems. Way too many problems. Rao, had a person ever died of the sheer numbers of problems piling up on them?_ )

 

Kara raised her hand for another drink, which the bartender slid across the bar. She wasn’t so far gone yet that she couldn’t snag it before it shot off the side.

 

Look, Kara really hadn’t come here to get drunk. She came to see the one person she thought might sort of understand what she was going through, Lena problem aside (though maybe she would understand that, too; Kara wasn’t here to assume anyone else’s sexuality).

 

No, Kara came here to see M’gann, but then M’gann wasn’t here, and Kara was still…whatever she was. Jittery. On-edge. Coming down from a panic attack. And the bartender that _wasn’t_ M’gann but still seemed nice enough offered her a drink on the house, and she had figured just one drink of Aldebaran rum might at least take the edge off.

 

Or blur it a little, anyway.

 

Blurry was definitely the main thing she’d achieved.

 

The problem was, alcohol was still new to Kara. Like, fresh-faced college student at their first party new, and so knowledge of limits and pacing and understanding that maybe drinking right after a panic attack wasn’t a good idea weren’t really things that registered with her. Not in a hands-on, practiced kind of way, at least. 

 

It seemed like getting out of her head, loosening up, slowing everything down a little would help things.

 

And in practice, she had definitely managed to at least loosen up. A _lot_.

 

Kara let out a delighted laugh, folding forward over the bar. “—and then, I told them _stoy ve zyyvtipoiw_ which I thought was the formal greeting only I got my pronunciation mixed up and said _stoy vie_ _zvtipoiw_ which was—well I said something very rude about their mother,” said Kara.

 

She laughed breathlessly and broke off into giggles every time she tried to finish the story of how she’s inadvertently caused an interplanetary incident on a school fieldtrip to a neighboring planet. It was a good story that she usually didn’t tell because it required an understanding of alien culture and diplomacy that was generally lost here on Earth, but it was just so funny. She really needed to start telling it more. Alex would particularly appreciate the part about the guns.

 

“And I—and then—” Kara’s pocket buzzed, and she slapped a hand down against it. Ha! Reflexes like a superhero.

 

Only then she remembered the buzzy thing was her phone, and that she had just slapped it hard enough that her own thigh was stinging. “Oh no!” she said, dragging out the phone, and thanking Rao silently when it was okay.

 

Thankfully Alex had set her up with a specially enhanced DEO smartphone after her fourteenth—according to Alex, really that number seemed way too high—“mishap.”

 

Alex was the best. Such the best. How many people were lucky enough to have the best sister in the world? Just Kara, and she should really text Alex to tell her that. Oh, and there was a text from Lucy! That was so nice. Lucy was the best, too. Second best after Alex, maybe. Or third best. There was Lena. But then there was Winn and James and J’onn and Eliza, too, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and really this was getting too complicated.

 

Alex was definitely the best, though. ( _She wouldn’t tell anyone. It was okay..._ )

 

“Kara?”

 

That was a voice she knew that belonged to a person that she liked very much.

 

“M’gann!” Kara said, or thought she said, but possibly shouted judging by the way M’gann winced back at her. Oops. Volume control. 

 

Kara carefully lowered her voice, hunching down with the effort, when she continued. “I was just telling, um, um,” she looked around for the bartender, trying to remember her name. Did she have a name tag on? She should. Everyone should have name tags. A lack of name tags was stupid. Names were too hard to remember otherwise.

 

M’gann was looking at her. What had she been saying? Oh right. “Did I ever tell you about the time I almost caused an interplanetary inci- umm, dissident on my grade four fieldtrip? It’s a reeaaallyy funny story.”

 

Kara broke into another peal of laugher, clutching M’gann’s shoulder for support.

 

M’gann was looking at her funny. “Kara, is everything okay? Junie told me you were looking for me…”

 

Junie? Who was Junie? Kara glanced around the bar, trying to remember if she knew a Junie, and if so, when she had told them she was missing her friend.

 

She shook her head. “Who’s Junie?” she whispered, or tried to whisper.

 

There was a loud, exaggerated sigh from behind the bar. “I’m Junie,” said the woman not wearing a nametag who had been serving the drinks. Junie the bartender! That was right!

 

“JUNIE!” Kara squealed, making everyone in a ten-foot radius wince and glare. “Junie the bartender!”

 

Junie gave M’gann a look.

 

“I’m a little drunk,” Kara said, feeling it was best to just be up front about this fact. She didn’t want M’gann wondering, after all.

 

M’gann raised an eyebrow. “I know,” she said.  

 

And fighting with my sister and benched at the DEO and possibly in love with Lena Luthor.

 

M’gann was looking at her very strangely. Her head was tilted to the side like a puppy, and her eyebrows were raised so high they almost disappeared into her hairline.  “Come again,” she said.

 

Oops had she said that last part out loud?

 

“You definitely did,” said M’gann. Oops. Kara was going to have to work on that.

 

M'gann placed a steadying hand on Kara’s shoulder as she tilted a little in her seat. “Kara, not that I don’t want to hear about that—because I definitely do want to hear more about that, and we’re going to talk about it don’t worry—but how much have you had to drink?”

 

Kara considered the question, doing some quick mental math in her head, converting from human to Kryptonian and back again until she came up with the answer. “A lot," she said.

 

“How many?”

 

Kara ventured a hopeful guess. “A lot many?”

 

The bartender who was not M’gann and was maybe Junie—was that right?—raised a four fingered hand. Kara stuck out her tongue at her.  _Tattletale._ Human math was stupid, anyway. 

 

“Snitches get bitches,” Kara said, doing her approximation of a menacing Alex glare at Julie the bartender. It was an important human custom that her sister had explained to her when she first came here, and she felt it was her duty to pass it along. The alien community needed to know. Humans had a zero tolerance tattletale policy. And she couldn’t really remember exactly what the phrase had to do with being a tattletale right now, but it definitely did. Something. She’d have to ask Alex later.

 

The bartender snorted, though, apparently not taking this warning seriously, which was, frankly, her own problem if she wanted to learn things the hard way. M’gann said something in Martian under her breath. It was a harsh sound that made Kara giggle. M’gann shot her a brief glare, before looking upward and then saying, “Could you get us a couple of waters, please?”

 

“Sure thing, M’gann. Just make sure your girl doesn’t throw up on my bar. I’m off in fifteen. To get some bitches, apparently.” She snorted again and walked off to find some glasses for water. 

 

M’gann guided her over to a booth, where she was at considerably less risk of somersaulting off her seat and sustaining some kind of concussion. Or at least that what M’gann told her when she insisted Kara _just go over there, please._

 

(Kara tried to remind her that she couldn't get a concussion--not from falling off a stool at least--but M'gann was not convinced.) 

 

Junlee—no Junie, that was right—brought over two glasses of water and set them down on the table between Kara and M’gann.

 

“Thanks, Junie,” M’gann told her. “Mind also giving this number a call for me? There’s a note.” She handed her a folded piece of paper and Junie nodded. “I owe you one!” M’gann called after her but Junie just waved her off.

 

M’gann shoved one of the waters into Kara’s hands and said, “Drink.”

 

Kara grumbled a little at the demanding tone— _why was her friend acting so annoyed??_ —but she took a sip anyway. M’gann wouldn’t stop glaring at her expectantly, though, so Kara downed the whole glass in one go and gave her a _there, I did it, happy now?_ look.

 

M’gann just pushed the other glass of water in front of Kara, allowing her to sip at this one a little more slowly without quite as many fierce glares. Kara tried to avoid the look, especially when she accidentally snorted some of the water, pouring half the glass down her front, but M’gann just snorted and said, “You’re a mess.”

 

“Am not,” Kara told her, brushing water droplets off her chest.

 

“You’re drinking— _alone_ —in a bar, wearing your supersuit,” said M’gann. “Not usually your style. So. You wanna tell me what’s going on here, Kara?”

 

“I’m drunk,” said Kara. Maybe it isn’t obvious. She looked down at her hands, but nope, no indication there.

 

M’gann just smiled at her, shaking her head a little. “Yeah, I got that,” she said. “But you wanna tell me why you’re drinking at the bar by yourself?”

 

Kara slouched forward over the table, resting her chin in the palm of her hand and started making little ripples in the new glass of water M’gann has pushed in front of her. “I was looking for you?”

 

Kara glanced up from under her lashes to see M’gann considering her. She looked like she was trying to fit together the pieces of a tricky puzzle. “Because you wanted to talk about something?” Kara nodded. “Does this have anything to do with what you mentioned earlier, about your fight with Alex or Lena Luthor?”

 

Kara straightened abruptly, knocking the water over. She quickly scrambled to right it, sopping up the mess with the sleeve of her Supergirl suit, but it was annoyingly unabsorbent. Was this thing supposed to be waterproof? That seemed like a bad call—she’d have to talk to Winn about that. What was she supposed to use to clean up spills?

 

“No!” she said, too quickly, still wiping her arms across the table, “That’s not—why would you even—” Kara snorted breathlessly. “Ridiculous. I mean, what would I ever even have to do with Lena Luthor? She’s a…CEO.”

 

M’gann just narrowed her eyes at her. “Right,” she said, drawing out the word.

 

“And I’m a reporter,” Kara told her emphatically. “Who reports things. Things that don’t even have anything to do with Lena Luthor sometimes.”

 

“Kara,” M’gann began, but Kara interrupted her.

 

“I’m not in love with Lena Luthor.”

 

There was a long, uncomfortable pause, in which M’gann blinked at her and Kara didn’t breathe. “… I didn’t say you were.”

 

“Good. Okay, then.”

 

M’gann raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you in love with Lena Luthor?” Her tone implied the answer was obvious.

 

“I don’t--” Kara said, shaking her head. “I’m not sure. Doesn’t matter—it’s not why I wanted to see you.”

 

“Okay, then—”

 

M'gann agreed with her. Good-- because she wasn't. In love with Lena Luthor, that was. She was...whatever the opposite of that was. No, that couldn't be right either. The opposite would be hate or indifference. Kara could never be indifferent to Lena. Her eyes were so shiny, and her hair was so abruptly dark against her skin, and her jaw was...just a lot, really. And she was so smart and funny and kind and good and intelligent and pretty and good and... When was the last time Kara had told her all of those things. (Plus or minus the first one that she still wasn't really sure about, anyway.)

 

Too long. Definitely it had been too long. Kara needed to tell her. 

 

(Lena had this annoying habit of believing the worst of herself, of believing she didn't deserve affection or friendship or love--or at least that whatever she deserved she'd never get them because she was a Luthor.)

 

Kara pulled out her phone, but M'gann snatched it away in an instant. So fast, Kara wondered if she had other super powers she'd been hiding. Kara blinked at her. "Whaa?" 

 

"Oh, no you don't," said M'gann, pocketing the phone. She muttered something about _not getting paid nearly enough for this_ and _pouring out all the Aldebaran rum_. 

 

"But Lena needed to--"

 

"No." 

 

Kara gave her a suspicious look. "How did you even do that?" she asked. "Do you have super speed, too?" 

 

 M'gann sighed. "You'll thank me in the morning." 

 

Kara slumped back dramatically, pouting and ignoring the loud crack of something somewhere nearby--also ignoring the "Seriously, Kara?!" from M'gann--as she went. "But I need to tell Lena how good and smart and pretty she is," she said, momentarily misremembering why she wasn't supposed to mention those things aloud. 

 

Had there been a good reason for that? It seemed like maybe there had been one before--maybe several drinks before--but Lena was the best and most perfect-est person on the whole planet. Not nearly enough people seemed to realize that which meant Kara hadn't been telling enough people which meant Kara definitely _should_ be telling more people. Including Lena. 

 

It was very sound logic, and Kara should know. She had been training for the Science Guild. 

 

M'gann's voice interrupted Kara's rambly thoughts about Lena, which was pretty inconvenient as far as Kara was concerned, but she tried to grasp onto it anyway. "--good idea, okay?" 

 

Kara considered her seriously. Then shook her head. _Nope. Not one single bit of that._

 

"Don't worry about it," said M'gann, waving her hand through the air-- and Kara decided, yes, she must definitely have super speed. 

 

But none of this was _really_ why Kara had come here. Well, in fairness, Kara couldn't entirely remember for sure why she had come here anymore, but she was fairly certain it had less to do with pretty girls (and the revelations that came along with them--even if they were really, _really_ pretty, like wow so pretty) and more to do with a certain unshakeable loneliness she'd been feeling that no amount of people or potstickers could feel. It was a soul-deep loneliness, an ancient, aching loneliness, and even just the thought of it was enough to drain the exicatable alcohol-induced energy right out of Kara. 

 

She hated it. _She hated it, she hated it, she hated it._  But--sometimes it felt like the only connection she had left to her people. The amputated, phantom pains their absence left behind. And she thought--surely--if anyone could understand that, it would be M'gann. That maybe she wouldn't look at her in confusion or pity when she tried to explain...

 

 “Do you ever miss it?” Kara asked abruptly.

 

“Miss what?” said M’gann.

 

“Mars.”

 

“Oh.” M’gann shifted. “Yes. I do. I go back and visit sometimes, but it’s not the same.” She hesitated, watching Kara tugging at the sleeves of her supersuit. “Do you miss Krypton?”

 

Kara nodded. Shook her head. Nodded again. “It’s just hard sometimes,” she said finally, quietly. She pulled the edges of her sleeves over her fists and folded them up under her chin so they would pillow her head against the hard table. “Lately, I’ve been…everything’s been out of place. Nothing feels right.”

 

Kara didn’t think she liked being drunk anymore. The haziness had begun to feel like a weight instead of a relief. She just wanted to sleep for, like, a million years.

 

(Except, no, maybe not that.)

 

M’gann just watched her closely, waiting for her to continue.

 

“I just feel so out of place here sometimes. Still. _Still._ And I hate that. I hate lying and pretending and hiding and always feeling like I’m two steps behind everyone else. Like I won't ever fit. But also. Also like it's not fair for me to want that. To fit in. Like if I can, when I do, I'm betraying them. Betraying me. Do you ever… do you have that?”

 

M’gann looked down at her hands tucked underneath the booth. “Sometimes,” she admitted softly. “I think we all do, Kara—all of us who came here as refugees, especially those of us who don’t really have a home to go back to.” She hesitated for a long moment, her eyebrows furrowing. “Have you talked to anyone else about this?”

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“Do you think—?”

 

“Lately it just feels like everything’s moving so fast, y’know?” Kara said. “Everyone… everyone’s moving forward, and I’m just scrambling to keep up.” Kara looked up sideways at M’gann, her cheek still resting on her forearm. “I’m just really tired.”

 

M’gann started to open her mouth, but then caught sight of something behind Kara. “Thank God,” she whispered under her breath.

 

Kara felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. “Alex!” she said, throwing her arms around her sister, who looked—not pleased, but definitely not angry like before. “Maggie!” The detective was standing beside the bench, taking in the scene at the booth with Kara and M’gann and the messy table.

 

Alex ran a hand up and down the plane of Kara’s back as Kara held onto her for dear life. Kara just nuzzled deeper into her neck, at peace surrounded by the warmth and faintly woodsy smell of her sister. Alex sighed. “What am I going to do with you?” she murmured, so quietly she probably didn’t mean for Kara to hear.

 

Joke was on her. Kara had super-hearing.

 

“Heard that,” Kara said quietly against her neck.  

 

M’gann slid out of the booth and leaned over to whisper something to Maggie and handed over Kara's cellphone. ("Hey, that's mine!" was Kara's enthusiastic response, pointing an unsteady hand toward it. Apparently, based on their less enthusiastic responses, they all already new that.) Maggie nodded as M’gann gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze. She turned to look at Kara.

 

“I’m always here if you want to talk, okay? About anything.” She leaned over Alex to pet Kara’s curls affectionately, and then scrunched her nose. “But maybe next time let’s do it before you’re too hammered to see straight.”

 

Kara stuck her tongue out at her—she could see perfectly fine, thank you very much—but grabbed her hand to squeeze it gently just before M’gann started to walk away. Kara smiled at her over Alex’s shoulder. “Thanks M’gann.”

 

“Any time,” said M’gann, giving Kara a genuine smile as she walked away.

 

Alex jostled her slightly as she shifted her arms underneath her. “Alright, you,” she said. “Up you get.”

 

Alex slung an arm around her waist and Maggie pulled her other arm over her shoulder, the two of them carefully guiding her out of the bar. The detective was so tiny that Kara wound up walking kind of lopsided.

 

“I can do it myself,” Kara told them petulantly, and took a few quick steps forward on her own to prove it.

 

She made them just fine too—except, maybe, for the part where she faceplanted into the next booth over, splitting the table down the middle, and Alex had to call over to M’gann and that other nice bartender, “Just add it to our tab.”

 

They keep a firmer grip on her the rest of the way out of the bar, Kara throwing one last lazy wave over her shoulder back toward M’gann, and walked outside into the chilly night air. Kara shivered a little. She’d never noticed just how cold it could get in National City at night, and her legs weren’t exactly covered in this supersuit. Another thing to get Winn to work on!

 

They had apparently taken Alex’s car to get here instead of their motorcycles or a cab.

 

“I mean, it’s not exactly like we can take an uber with drunk Supergirl, over here,” Maggie had pointed out as they made their way over to the car in some kind of bizarre six-legged-race.

 

“I could always just fly!” Kara reminded them. 

 

“Don’t you dare…” Alex told her, but Kara started to float just a few inches above the pavement. Alex grabbed onto her wrist with a glare, pulling her back down.

 

“Party popper,” Kara said.

 

"I think you mean party pooper," said Maggie. 

 

"No. She pops all the balloons at the party." 

 

"Oh," said Maggie. "Well, yep, she's a party popper, then." 

 

Ales rolled her eyes. “Someone has to be.”

 

Kara giggled at that. Maggie and Alex shared a look, something between exasperation and amusement. Kara started to laugh harder, struggling to walk at all now as the laughs shook her entire body.

 

Except—oh, no—she wasn’t laughing. She was crying. And Alex was pulling her into the backseat of the car, pulling her close as Maggie slipped into the driver’s seat and started the engine. 

 

“Shh, I know, I know,” Alex said, fingers running through Kara’s hair.

 

Kara wasn’t even sure why she was crying at this point. It was stupid, and she wanted to start laughing again, but now that she’d started she just couldn’t stop.

 

(This whole drunk thing really wasn't working out like she'd hoped.) 

 

“Come on, let’s get you home,” said Alex, and somehow Kara knew, as they sped down the streets—Maggie seemingly less concerned with obeying traffic signals than a cop probably should be—that Alex meant her home, hers and Maggie’s, not Kara’s. 

 

Kara was pretty sure she was okay with that. For her, home had always been wherever Alex was, anyway. And right then, wrapped in her sister's arms, it didn't seem like there could possibly be any better place to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara finally figured out she has feelings for Lena! Who else is excited about that? Friendly reminder to check the tags, though. This is a supercorp fic, but it's also the last tagged relationship. And there's a reason I tagged this both as being kind of slow burn and also more about Kara figuring out her feelings. We will see Lena again, not to worry! But it won't be for a few more chapters. Kara has a few more important conversations to have first. 
> 
> I know it's been awhile since I've posted-- and I can't promise the update schedule is going to get much better--but I have this fic mostly planned out, and I do fully intend to see it through to the end. Let me know if you all are still along for the ride with this one and / or what you thought of the chapter. And a big thank you to everyone who's left a comment so far. I always read them, and they make my day! 
> 
> Next time on Burning Bright: hangovers, brunch, and pseudo-adopted big sisters. (Maggie. It’s Maggie.)


	6. Waffles, Friends, Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie takes Kara out for brunch, because she is a good big sis who loves her messy little alien sis.

Kara usually rose with the sun. Who needed an alarm clock when your cells were literally recharged by the sunrise, right?

 

Apparently getting drunk enough off of alien rum to wake up with her first ever hangover was enough to counteract that.

 

Kara woke with a groan, feeling like she’d just gone toe-to-toe with a K’hund or a…some other alien who could make her see stars that she would think of later when her brain actually started functioning again.

 

Her brain felt fuzzy and her stomach—Rao, was this what nausea felt like? Being hungover was the worst. How had Alex survived all these years?

 

Kara rolled over, considering going back to sleep, but her tongue felt thick and fuzzy in her mouth and her head ached and her stomach felt just roily enough that she was pretty sure throwing up was still very much in the cards.

 

She cracked her eyes to glance at her cellphone and then shot up in bed, immediately regretting it as her stomach lurched and her head throbbed painfully. Gah. Kara put a hand to her aching temple. _Never getting drunk again,_ Kara swore silently to herself. _Never, never, never._  

 

Unfortunately the hangover was still there as she glanced back down at her phone again, looking at the forty-two notifications blinking up at her. Several of them were missed calls from Winn and Alex, as well as a slew of text messages ranging from clearly pissed to extremely concerned from the latter. But the ones that really caught her eye were the ones from Lucy—who she had apparently been texting last night in her extremely inebriated state?? Rao help her.  

 

Kara could barely dare to open them, but then decided it was just best to get it over with. How bad could it be, really?

 

Bad. It could be really bad. 

 

**Kara Danvers**

LUCCCYYYYYY!!!!!

 

**Luceeeeeee ☺❤❀★**

Yes Kara? lol

 

**Kara Danvers**

I missss uuuuuuuu

 

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

I miss you too, Kara

Somebody got into the alien alcohol again?

 

**Kara Danvers**

No@!

Maybeeee…

Jyst makes meee fell butter

 

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

Rough day?

 

**Kara Danvers**

Roughest daay..

 

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

I’m sending hugs from DC

Wanna talk about it?

 

**Kara Danvers**

i’m messng everything upp

 

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

Kind of doubt that, but whatever it is

want to talk about it?

 

 _*missed call from Luceeeeeee_ **☺❤❀★** _*_

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

You ok, Kara? You’re starting to

worry me a bit…

You can only ignore me for so long!

 

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

Ok officially worrying now. I may have

talked to J’onn? Don’t be mad, he’s just

worried & now I am too. Please, just—

don’t do anything too stupid, okay?

 

**Luceeeeeee **☺❤❀★****

Ok Kar, talked to my boss & I’ve got a break coming

up & I’m coming back to NC.

And before you start to feel guilty for it or whatever,

I was planning on coming anyway. Not everything is

about you ;)

See you soon, love you

 

Kara face palms so hard that little pops of white light appear behind her eyes. It definitely does not help the hangover. She types out a quick text to Lucy: **I’m okay, Lucy, I swear. So, so, so sorry for freaking you out last night!** **I’m obviously super excited to see you, but if you secretly were just coming bc you’re worried about me then you really, really don’t need to. Ily too.**

 

She read through it a couple of times, chewing her lip, then hit send.

 

Rao, what a mess.

 

She flopped back down onto the bead, debating whether it was even worth getting up at this point.

 

Until a voice she definitely wasn’t expecting jolted her back to reality.

 

“You awake, Baby Danvers?” Maggie called, knocking on the half-open door before poking her head in.

 

Right. She was a Maggie and Alex’s. Because that was how sloppy she got last night. And both of them, M’gann, and half the alien bar had all seen it. Just lovely.

 

Kara groaned dramatically in response.

 

“Yeah, I thought you might be feeling that way,” said Maggie, holding up a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water like lifelines.

 

Kara sat up and took them, rubbing at her forehead. Maggie sat down on the end of the bed, watching her. “Where’s Alex?” she asked, after throwing back the pills and downing the entire glass of water. It kind of made the feeling in her stomach like she might be about to throw up grow uncomfortably insistent, but it made her mouth and head feel a little better.

 

“Called in,” Maggie said simply.

 

“Do they—” Kara started to ask, but Maggie was already shaking her head.

 

“No, they definitely do not need you. In fact, I was given explicit instructions not to let you go in. Her exact words were, do not under any circumstances let Kara go into the DEO today,” said Maggie, “and then she warned me about your puppy dog eyes. As if I needed warning.” Maggie scoffed.

 

Kara frowned. She didn’t really need the reminder that she had been benched, but she knew Maggie was just looking out for her. Even Kara had to admit she’d had a pretty rough night last night, and that maybe a few day off—and some sleep—would do her good.

 

“Alright,” she said finally.

 

And, unfortunately, it wasn’t like she could spend the whole day in bed. If she could power through the hangover just long enough to get ready and over to work with a little super speed, she might make it there before Snapper started searching for her replacement.

 

Maggie, though, didn’t seem to be in any kind of rush.

 

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Kara asked her, because she was fairly sure the detective should’ve been at the precinct several hours ago.

 

Maggie shook her head. “Took the day off,” she said, which Kara found highly suspicious. She narrowed her eyes at her, but Maggie looked away innocently. 

 

She just really hoped Maggie hadn’t taken the day off for her—or worse, that Alex had asked her to look after her. All she needed right now was a bit of normalcy and to not get fired, which—Oh Rao. Oh no, oh no, oh no. The article. She was supposed to get the article in to Snapper last night. Well so much for being a reporter, there was that dream down the tube!

 

She would just have to do her best to explain the situation to him—or, well, no, not the actual situation because that involved alien alcohol and the fact that she was Supergirl, but _a_ situation. A semi-fake, almost true situation. Whatever that was.

 

Kara threw off the covers and pushed herself out of bed, wavering just a little as she got to her feet for the first time. Never would be too soon to ever drink again.

 

“Woah, where do you think you’re going, hot shot?” asked Maggie, reaching out an arm to steady her.

 

“Work,” Kara said simply, too hungover to do anything more than that. She started toward the dresser, knowing she’d left a spare set of clothes here for emergencies. And this was definitely an emergency. 

 

“Nope,” said Maggie, getting up to follow her.

 

Kara stopped and turned to look at her, just blinking at her with bleary eyes. She was way too hungover for this, whatever this was. “What do you mean nope?” Kara asked.

 

Maggie smiled so big her dimples showed. “We,” said Maggie, “are going to get waffles.”

 

“What?” said Kara. Normally she didn’t question anything having to do with food, but her head was still pounding and she really wasn’t sure this was the best time. And, also, just--what? 

 

“Breakfast. Coffee. The two of us. Now.”

 

Kara shook her head. “No, Maggie, I’m already super late. I have to get to work!”

 

“Not today you don’t,” said Maggie.

 

“You don’t understand—I already missed a deadline on a rewrite last night, and Snapper’s, like, one bad day away from firing me, and if I don’t get in there _right now_ —”

 

Maggie waved her hand. “Alex already called in sick for you.”

 

Kara blanched, remembering Alex’s threats the day before about having words with Snapper. Rao, she hoped she wasn’t out of a job.

 

Maggie seemed to follow her train of thought because she laughed lightly and said, “Don’t worry, I made sure she didn’t threaten him.” Then, considering, “She may have heavily implied he was to blame for whatever BS medical thing she made up and that she would be calling a certain Catco CEO if it happened again…”

 

Kara dropped her face into her hands, muttering, “Oh, Rao.”

 

Maggie put a hand on her shoulder. “It's fine, Little Danvers. You needed the day off. And besides, it’s not like she was really lying.” The look Maggie gave her then, half understanding, half expectant, was enough to make Kara sigh and throw up her hands.

 

“Alright, fine,” said Kara. “Breakfast.”

 

Maggie beamed. “Okay, you go get dressed. I’ll—” Kara sped off in a burst of wind and returned in front of a slightly flustered Maggie, fully dressed and ready to go. Maggie tucked some flyaway hair behind her ear. “Right. Keep forgetting you can do that. Okay, then, guess I’ll just grab my coat and some keys, and we’ll go!”

 

Maggie completed said tasks with slightly less gusto, and Kara managed not to pass out or throw up in the meantime. Using her superspeed might not've been teh best idea in hindsight. This being hungover thing…had she mentioned it really sucked?

 

 “Maggie, wait,” Kara said, stopping her at the door. She hesitated, not really sure how to ask what she wanted to ask without sounding ridiculous. Finally, she said, “Alex didn’t ask you to take off of work to look after me today…did she?”

 

Maggie’s face softened. “No, Kara,” she said. “I just had a lot of time saved up and figured we could use a little fun, just the two of us.”

 

Kara wasn’t entirely sure she believed her, but she nodded anyway. “Okay,” she said. Then, “Where are we going to breakfast again?”

 

“Brunch,” said Maggie, opening the door, “and I know this really great vegan—”

 

“No! Maggie, please no. I’m so hungry. I’m sooo hungry—do you know how many calories I need in a day just to survive, like bare minimum? Please, please take me somewhere I can eat real food.”

 

“You can get plenty of calories from—”

 

“Maggie.”

 

“There are tons of protein alternatives that—”

 

“Pleeasseeee.”

 

Kara looked down at Maggie with her best puppy dog eyes, perfected on years of being foisted onto Eliza to mitigate whatever trouble she and Alex had gotten into. And Maggie, despite all her claims of being entirely immune, folded immediately.

 

She sighed. “Fine,” she said, acknowledging defeat in the face of unwinnable odds.

 

Kara bounced a little on her toes, but then stopped with a slight frown when it made the world lurch uncomfortably.

 

Maggie laughed a little, shaking her head. "Alright, if we're gonna do this, let's do this. Come on, I know a place,” said Maggie, pulling Kara through the door and locking it behind her. “You need greasy food and sunlight—and I can provide both!”

 

 

***

 

Kara had never been to the diner Maggie led them to—walking, because Kara needed the sunlight—but she was pretty sure it was her new favorite restaurant in National City, Noonan’s notwithstanding. And it wasn’t just the fact that the coffee—which Kara normally didn’t bother with since it didn’t affect her and left a bitter aftertaste she detested—seemed like a gift from the gods, or the fact that the waitress didn’t even bat an eye at her order of pancakes, French toast, a double side of scrambled eggs and bacon (Maggie just went with waffles).  It wasn’t even the fact that when Kara asked her how she knew about it, she said it was a popular cop hangout and that if Kara ever so much as whispered a word of this to Alex she would cut her off from the donuts they always kept stocked in the precinct break room for good.

 

It was probably a little bit of all of it, but by the time their food came out and Kara started to dig in with unadulterated glee, she was already feeling better. Less like a hungover zombie and more like a regular person—or, maybe not so regular, but at least a little more like herself.

 

“So,” Maggie began, and Kara felt her heart give a lurch of apprehension. She knew where this was going. Maggie was about to ask about last night. She knew Alex already would’ve grilled her and then lectured her up and back down again if she hadn’t been called in with the DEO. In her absence, Maggie was going to take on the task. 

 

But then Maggie said, “You know, when my parents kicked me out I went to go live with my aunt?”

 

Kara was so thrown it took her a moment to nod. Alex had given her the basics, though she hadn’t gone into much detail. Kara had always figured it was because Maggie didn’t really want people to know, but maybe it was more that it was just her story to tell—when and to whom she wanted.

 

“It was…not a great time for me,” Maggie took a deep breath, “to put it lightly. I made a lot of mistakes. I think I almost—I think I was sort of trying to push her away, because I just assumed I’d disappoint her in the end anyway. She put up with a lot.” Maggie paused, seeming to remember something, and let out a breathy laugh. “A _lot_. And it took me a long time to realize that she was in it no matter what, that nothing I could do would make her leave me.”

 

Kara slowed her rapid pace of shoveling pancakes into her mouth, touched that Maggie was opening up so much. She knew how hard that was for her. Maggie was so guarded, and Kara kind of hated her parents for doing that to her. “She sounds like a really wonderful person,” Kara said gently.

 

Maggie nodded, looking away for a moment before she seemed to collect herself and said, “She really is.”

 

“Do you still talk to her?”

 

Maggie smiled. “Every week,” she said.

 

Kara smiled, too, thinking of Aunt Astra, of the early memories from Krypton unsullied by lies and tricks and betrayal and vendettas here on Earth, thinking of who they might've been if things had been different, if Krypton had survived. It didn't do to dwell on thoughts like that. Kara knew that, but... sometimes the memories and what ifs were too simultaneously beautiful and painful to break away from that easily. 

 

She suspected the same might be true for Maggie, if in a very different way. 

 

She was pretty sure she knew why Maggie was bringing this up, though. Kara wasn’t stupid—she understood that this breakfast was about more than just greasy food and good company, whatever Maggie said.

 

“This is about last night, isn’t it?” Kara asked cautiously.

 

“No. Maybe. Kind of.”

 

“Helpful,” Kara said teasingly, taking another heaping bite of pancakes.

 

“I just…want you to know you’re not alone,” said Maggie. “That you have Alex and me and M’gann and J’onn and just a whole lot of people who care about you.”

 

Kara stared at her pancakes, but nodded. “Yeah, I know," she said. Then, more quietly "I'm not trying to push anyone away." 

 

Maggie tilted her head at her. "Yeah?" 

 

Kara could hear the doubt in her voice. It was true, though. She hadn't been pushing anyone away. She loved her friends and family, and her isolation recently-- well, it hadn't exactly been her choice, had it? She'd been trying. She'd been trying so hard to reconnect with everyone, James and Lucy and Winn... And, okay, yes maybe she'd been keeping Alex at a bit of a distance so her sister didn't worry about her, and maybe she'd been avoiding Lena a bit, but...that was all different. It wasn't her fault that everyone had been too busy for game nights recently. It wasn't. 

 

 “Look, Kara,” Maggie said, all serious. “I know we’re not as close as you and Alex. I know I’m not your sister. But—what happened at the bar last night…”

 

She trailed off and Kara filled in before she could finish. “I know I scared you,” Kara said, not quite looking her in the eye, not quite able to. “And I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

 

“No, Kara, it’s not that,” said Maggie. “I mean, I hope it won’t, but that’s not what I meant.” She sighed. “I like to think I know you pretty well at this point—took us a while, I know, and yeah things were pretty rocky there at first, but—I like to think I know you pretty well. And Kara, you’ve never been the kind of person to just drink to drown your sorrows. And it's not like you've never had reason to before...”

 

Kara looked away, not quite meeting her eyes.

 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…but I do think you should talk to someone.”

 

Kara looked up to meet her gaze. “I’m fine,” she said, keeping her voice light, pretending it wasn’t a big deal. It was a line she was used to giving. It was a lie she was _good_ at.

 

Maggie gave her a look, not buying it. “Kara you had a panic attack.”

 

“It’s not—it wasn’t—” Kara sighed, scratching at a spot on her forehead. “Winn told you.”

 

Maggie smiled. “Alex didn’t even have to threaten him this time.”

 

“Weak link,” Kara muttered, but she didn’t really hold it against him.

 

“And M’gann told me you were talking about Krypton.”

 

Kara shrugged. “I was having a rough day. She—gets it.”

 

Maggie just looked at her, long and considering. “And that was it?” she asked. Kara shrugged again, giving Maggie a light smile. Her head was still pounding, and honestly she didn’t really want to get into it; she shoved a handful of bacon into her mouth instead.

 

Maggie leaned back against the booth, her plate of waffles still half unfinished.

 

“Are you going to finish that?” Kara asked through a mouthful of bacon, glancing down at the uneaten food. 

 

Maggie laughed a little, her nose wrinkling in distaste. “No, you go ahead.”

 

Kara smiled widely, her cheeks puffed. She pulled over the plate and added it to the rotation of food with gusto.

 

“Do you know why I joined the Science Division?” Maggie asked after a few minutes of silently watching how much Kara could shove into her cheeks at one time.

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“People in power don’t always have the best interests of everyone else at heart. Their best interests, maybe, and the best interests of the people they care about, but that’s a pretty small circle. I had a,” Maggie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It was maybe the first time Kara had seen Maggie struggle for words, and she slowed her eating to watch her. “When I was sixteen, after I had been living with my aunt for a while, I was arrested.”

 

“You were arrested??” Kara asked, trying not to sound shocked. Probably failing. She had a hard time imagining _Maggie_ being arrested. Alex? Definitely. She had the first hand memories of that happening a time or two, but Maggie? It was an incongruous image.

 

“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” said Maggie, dismissing Kara’s disbelief with a wave of her hand. “But when you’re from the wrong side of town, and you look like me, and you already have a few marks on your record…well, sometimes it takes more than just saying ‘I didn’t do anything’ to convince anyone.

 

“Anyway, that’s not the point,” said Maggie. “The point is, that was the day I learned that the only way to really make a difference is to step up and do it yourself.”

 

Kara nodded. She knew a thing or two about that. She’d spent her whole life believing it was her duty to help people while being forced to hide. Finally stepping out of the shadows to save that plane—to save Alex—and become Supergirl had felt like breathing for the first time in over a decade.

 

It was also part of why she was so frustrated J’onn and Alex had benched her. They, of all people, should’ve understood why she had to do what she did. Why she had to help people, no matter what.

 

“When I was in Gotham, there was…so much corruption. Most of the force was too focused on lining their pockets and not getting on the wrong side of the gangs and villains making trouble on the streets to actually protect any of the normal people in the crossfire. Some of them even made it harder for those normal people. I saw fellow cops, partners, _good people_ , get swept up in that place. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t make a few mistakes myself." Maggie shook her head, trailing off.

 

Kara had a hard time imagining Maggie getting involved in any sort of police corruption, but she guessed that wasn’t the only sort of mistake you could make as a cop. Knowing Maggie—and judging by the far-off look on her face—it probably had more to do with trying to do the right thing and doing the wrong thing in the process, doing the wrong thing for the right reasons maybe, or the right thing for the wrong ones.

 

Whatever it was, it had clearly had an effect on her.

 

“I joined the NCPD Science Division partially because I wanted to get away from all that, but also because I wanted to actually make a difference, to do _some good_ instead of just trying to stay afloat,” Maggie continued. “A lot of people told me I was making a huge mistake—that it was several steps back career wise, or that I’d already burned too many bridges to ever make it as a cop, but I knew what was right and I knew what I needed to do.”

 

“That’s why you came to National City?” Kara asked.

 

Maggie nodded. “All it took was thinking of that sixteen year old kid, scared and alone and trying to convince a bunch of people who didn’t want to listen that I was innocent. To the fourteen year old kid who got kicked out for no good reason.”

 

Kara knew Maggie was trying to make some greater point here, but she just couldn’t figure out what. “Maggie, I don’t—”

 

“Sometimes the greatest good you can do is to just keep trying even when everyone is telling you to quit,” said Maggie.

 

Kara shook her head. These were two entirely different circumstances. It wasn’t applicable. “J’onn benched me, Maggie. How am I supposed to keep trying when I can’t even be Supergirl?”

 

"Maybe it's not about being Supergirl right now?" 

 

Kara just gave her a look, something along the lines of _'What the hell, Maggie?'_ And a second thought, one she kept more hidden, along the lines of _'Not you, too.'_

 

Maggie took a sip of coffee, considering. “You do a lot of good as Supergirl. A lot. I know I can be hard on you sometimes, but trust me I’ve seen it. But you do a lot of good as Kara Danvers, too. And I don’t just mean as a reporter, I mean as _you_. Don’t forget that, okay? Don’t let anyone—even yourself—convince you that doesn’t mean anything.”

 

 Kara bit her lip, feeling overly emotional. She didn’t want to say anything, didn’t want to _cry_. Why did everyone keep acting like she needed to focus on Kara, when it was so much easier--so much better--to be Supergirl? 

 

“You’re having a hard time right now, Kara, but it doesn’t mean all the amazing things you’ve done don’t still matter—it doesn’t mean you don’t matter. Okay?”

 

Kara didn’t say anything, just nodded.

 

Maggie smiled at her. “Okay.”

 

Kara stabbed her fork into her one remaining waffle and shoved the whole thing into her mouth. It was as good an excuse as any not to have to speak for a few minutes while she chewed and Maggie pretended not to be having whatever reaction she was having to Kara’s “less than ideal” table manners (thanks, Eliza). If Kara had to guess she would say Maggie was torn between disgust, horror, admiration, and barely contained amusement.

 

Kara finished chewing, and searched around for some other topic of conversation to turn to—preferably one that didn’t have to do with her terrible decision making skills, getting drunk off of alien alcohol, or the DEO.

 

What came out of her mouth—as much to her surprise as Maggie’s—was: “When did you realize you liked Alex?”

 

“Uh,” Maggie said. “Alex?”

 

She looked thrown off balance. Kara felt kind of the same way. That was not what she’d meant to ask—because seriously, _where had that even come from?_ —but it was out there now so she had to pretend she meant it. Less suspicious that way.

 

Kara nodded, trying not to look as surprised by her question as Maggie was.

 

“Uh, well, I guess it was around the time she told me she didn’t want to be friends with me after I, you know, turned her down?” she said it almost like a question.

 

That did surprise Kara a little, actually. She’d been expecting Maggie to say it was when she was shot by Henshaw. “But that was weeks before you actually told her…”

 

Maggie nodded, looking a bit sheepish. “Yeah, well, I’d broken her heart, hadn’t I?” said Maggie. “And all the reasons I initially turned her down still existed—she’d just come out, and she’d never dated a woman before, and I had way too much baggage. I guess it took nearly dying to show me how stupid all those excuses were.”

 

Stupid excuses. Kara wrinkled her nose, trying not to let the question she hadn’t even meant to ask and Maggie’s—actually really sweet and thoughtful—answer affect her. It wasn’t the same as her situation. It wasn’t.

 

(Except… it kind of was?) Kara shook her head, shoving the thoughts forcefully away.

 

Maggie frowned, forehead creasing. “Is this about Lena?” she asked suddenly.

 

Kara choked, inhaling so hard she was pretty sure she could feel some pieces of bacon actually fall into her lungs. That couldn't be healthy. 

 

“I’m not—I don’t,” Kara started to deny, pausing to cough up a lung and some bacon bits, but then decided she was tired of pretending, even to herself. She sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “How did you know?”

 

Maggie gave her an encouraging smile. “I’ve known I was gay for a long time, Kara. And you and Lena? All it took was being in the room with the two of you one time,” said Maggie. “Nobody looks that way at someone who’s just a friend.”

 

Kara leaned forward to press her forehead against her palms. “You think she—I mean, is it that obvious? Does she know I—?”

 

“You haven’t told her yet?”

 

Kara shook her head frantically. “I only realized yesterday, and then—and I wasn’t—I didn’t—”

 

“Oh,” Maggie says, and then, “ _oh_ ,” with dawning apprehension.

 

Kara face palms again with an audible groan.

 

“I mean, speaking from experience, I think the best thing is to just be honest with her,” says Maggie.

 

“But when Alex told you it was—I mean, I was there afterward, Maggie, I…”

 

Maggie’s forehead creased. She looked a bit like someone who had been told they had to hold their hand over an open flame. “That was, that was different, Kara,” Maggie began. “I can see why that might’ve…caused some hang-ups, but it won’t be like that with you and Lena.”

 

Kara looked up at her through her eyelashes. “How do you know?” she asked

 

“Because you’re not me and Alex, first of all,” Maggie said with a laugh. “And also because that girl had been in love with you since the moment you met.”

 

Well, sure, but— “Wait, what?” Kara said, sitting upright so fast her head spun.

 

“Lena Luthor. CEO. Completely head over heels in love with you. Even you can’t be that oblivious” Maggie said, rolling her eyes. Kara was just staring at her, looking half-shocked, half-hopeful. Maggie seemed to realize suddenly that Kara really could be just that oblivious. “Wait, you really didn’t know?”

 

Kara made a gesture, somewhere between shaking her head and a shrug.

 

“I mean, I've seen the way she looks at you Kara, and—you really didn’t know?” she asked again. Kara made some kind of choking noise, and Maggie put up her hands in a conciliatory gesture. “Okay, okay, it’s just with all the hearteyes and the way you talk about her. I mean, Alex always told me you were entirely, genuinely oblivious when it came to anything romance, but still…”

 

Alex. Oh Rao. That was a whole can of fish she did  _not_ want to open. Because Alex knowing would mean…well, it would mean Alex knowing.

 

“You can’t tell Alex,” Kara said, choked and a little desperate.

 

Maggie gave a sympathetic little smile. “It’s not my place to dictate when or how you come out, Kara.”

 

And, Rao, hearing it in those words was—it was overwhelming.

 

Kara put her face in her hands and instantly regretted it as she smeared syrup all down her cheeks. This was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. She shouldn’t be feeling like this—like her heart was racing—like this was something surprising and not normal. Kara was Kryptonian; they didn’t care about things like this. They didn’t even think about relationships or love in the same way.

 

…so why did it feel so entirely different with Lena?

 

Maggie had this sympathetic look of understanding on her face. “She’s not going to care, Kara—I mean, not in a bad way,” Maggie told her gently. “She did kind of just go through this herself.”

 

“No, it’s not that—I mean,” Kara looked to the ceiling and took a deep breath before looking back at Maggie. How was she supposed to explain this? How could she explain that sexuality was a complete non-issue on Krypton, that they didn’t even have an understanding of it in the way that it was viewed here on Earth? That love was an afterthought to relationships?

 

She’d explained it all to Alex once—or tried too—when she’d overheard kids at school making fun of her for having a “crush” on Kenny. At first she’d worried they thought she was hurting him somehow (where had that word come from anyway?). The truth was she had liked him—but she was still so new to Earth, so entirely unfamiliar with the foreign dating customs, that she didn’t understand what it meant.

 

She decided to try anyway.

 

“It wasn’t…an issue on Krypton. We didn’t even have classifications for sexuality like you do here on Earth, but…”

 

Maggie chewed on her lip, considering Kara. “But you’ve been living on Earth for a long time now, huh?”

 

Kara sighed, throwing her head back against the booth. “I hate this.”

 

“You’ll get through this, kid. We all do.”

 

“I know, and I just… I’ve always known gender wasn’t an issue for me. Humans worry about that way too much, anyway—like what is your fixation on that?” Maggie shook her head with an amused and slightly flabbergasted expression. Kara sighed and moved on. “It’s—I guess, I’ve just never felt this way about someone—a woman, _anyone_ —since coming here, and definitely never this _much_ , and I mean…”

 

Maggie watched her silently, waiting for Kara to find the words to continue.

 

“It’s Lena,” Kara said finally, with a shrug. “Even if Alex is okay with the whole me liking girls thing _right_ after she came out, even if she doesn’t care, how do you think she’s going to feel about the fact that it’s _Lena Luthor_? Alex isn’t exactly her biggest fan.”

 

“She’s your sister, Kara. If you really care about Lena then she’ll figure out some way to deal with the rest.”

 

Kara poked at her eggs, still mostly uneaten on her plate. “Yeah, that’s what worries me,” Kara muttered.

 

Maggie rolled her eyes. “She’s not going to murder Luthor,” she said. Then, mostly joking Kara’s pretty sure, “Probably.”

 

It was Kara’s turn to roll her eyes then, but she appreciated the moment of levity, however brief. Honestly, she hadn’t really been expecting it, but her talk with Maggie actually had made her feel a little better. Not so much with the hangover—that was still horrible, and Rao was she going to have to ask Alex later about how she dealt with that because a couple of aspirin and some waffles was _not_ enough—but with everything else.

 

For the first time in several days she felt like she could actually do this. There was still a lot to _do_ , sure, but maybe it was actually doable. Maybe she had a lot of people like Maggie behind her to help. 

 

“For what it’s worth,” said Maggie, reaching across the table to take one of her hands. “I really think you _should_ talk to her. If not about this, then at least about everything else.”

 

Kara nodded, and Maggie gave her hand a tight squeeze—strong enough that Kara could really feel it.

 

“She loves you more than anything, Kara, and she can tell when you’re hurting. We all can. You sort of wear it on your sleeve,” she said with a dimpled smirk. “You have a lot of people that care about you. Maybe it’s time you let us help you.”

 

Kara nodded, biting her lip. She really didn’t want to cry right now in the middle of a diner at 10:30 in the morning on a Tuesday. She wasn’t sure how much of her dignity she could really claim was intact after yesterday, but she was determined to keep it together that much at least. No crying over breakfast.

 

Maggie grabbed the check from the waitress before Kara even realized what was happening. “Maggie, no, let me—” she started to say, reaching out for it. She’d eaten easily five times what Maggie had.

 

But Maggie ignored her, glancing over the bill and handing the waitress her credit card. “Yeah, because you make so much on a reporter’s salary, huh?” Maggie asked with a raised eyebrow. Kara made a face. “Mhhmm. And I’ve seen the way you eat. No offense, but I still haven’t figured out how you’re even financially soluble.”

 

“It’s—I’m not—it’s not that bad."  

 

Maggie laughed. “Relax, Kara, I’m just messing with you. I mean—I don’t understand it—but just let me do a nice thing and pay for breakfast, okay?”

 

Kara smiled. Genuinely. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Maggie.”

 

“No problem, Little Danvers,” Maggie said, and Kara’s grin grew at the use of the nickname only Maggie could get away with using, the warm familiarity of it. “So, what’s next?”

 

Kara sighed, wanting to say something other than what she knows she’s about to. “I think I need to head home actually.”

 

Maggie frowned. “You sure?” she said. “I have the whole day off, wasn’t joking about that. We could go to the aquarium, see that new movie you were talking about. Just relax back at the apartment. Whatever you want.”

 

Maggie had clearly put some thought into it, and Kara was sorely tempted. Spending the afternoon just hanging out with her second favorite adopted big sister (and—to be honest—likely future sister-in-law even if Alex hadn’t outright said anything yet) sounded amazing. But there was still Snapper and the article. There was still work to do. And really, the prospect of curling up under the blankets in her apartment and sleeping off the rest of this hangover was sounding pretty good, too.

 

Kara nodded. “That all sounds great, but…I’m pretty sure I need to go finish edits my article if I want to still have a job tomorrow.” Maggie looked like she was about to say something, so Kara was quick to continue, “Plus, a nap sounds pretty good about now.”

 

Maggie’s nose crinkled up. “Hangovers are the worst.”

 

“Hangovers are the worst,” Kara agreed with a solemn nod.

 

They both got up to leave, but Maggie hesitated on the sidewalk outside the diner. “You sure you’re okay to get home on your own?” she asked, and Kara heard just a hint of her sister in the worry in Maggie’s voice.

 

Her smile was fond if a little exasperated. “I’m sure,” said Kara. “Superpowers, remember?”

 

Maggie laughed. “How could I ever forget?”

 

Kara felt a rush of fondness for Maggie and pulled her into a tight—but careful—hug. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold onto the feeling of hope her conversation with Maggie had left her with. She didn’t want to lose it, didn’t want to forget.

 

The last few days—weeks, months, really—had felt impossibly unending. It had begun to feel like the new normal. But Kara finally felt like she could see a way forward, felt like she could be strong enough to let her friends in and open up. Emotional vulnerability had always been hard for her—especially now, especially since coming out as Supergirl. She felt like being anything less than strong and unyielding was a sign of weakness, like she was letting the whole world down.

 

But she wasn’t _just_ Supergirl; she was Kara Danvers. Kara Zor-El. And she was allowed to feel things. She was allowed to hope and fear and love. She was allowed to have a life and ask for help. She was allowed to _be_.

 

And Rao, it felt good to just let herself.

 

Kara tightened her arms around Maggie just slightly in one last squeeze. “Thanks, Maggie,” she whispered against her hair, before pulling away.

 

“It’s what I’m here for, Little Danvers.”

 

And the look on her face just before Kara turned to find some secluded alley where she could fly away assured her that Maggie knew she was thanking her for much more than just breakfast.

 

Even though it had been a really great breakfast. Thank Rao for waffles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else is here for the big sister Maggie vibes? I have...just... so many feelings about the two of them. 
> 
> I know people are anxious for Alex and Kara to finally talk-- also for Lena to show up again lol. Don't worry, I've got you covered. Next chapter has all the Danvers sisters feels. I mean, like wow seriously you guys a lot of feels. And after that (chapter 8) Kara talks to a certain genius CEO she may or may not have feelings for (she definitely does). 
> 
> Pretty, pretty please kudos if you liked it and comment / review if you want to make my day! I love hearing your thoughts.
> 
> (Also happy Star Wars premiere day for anyone else going to see it! I am so freaking excited.)


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